Nothing to see here

... So move along now.

That's right, nothing, nada... nowt.

Well except a few things: I saw a green poodle in the park. Yes, it was actually green. Apparently it was in a TV ad, it's owner said. Or maybe it was one of those things they put on between the adverts on BBC1 and 2 or something? So watch out for that. (And don't worry about the poodle being green, it was a special dye... non-licky or something).

Tone's good. He got a new tattoo on Friday. I'm pretending I know what it is. Apparently it's another language, but looks like a squiggly picture to me. It's quite large and on his moob. EXCEPT HE DOESN'T HAVE MOOBS, HE HAS PECS! (LOLOLOLOL).

Oh and Wing broke up with Fabian. Then got back with him. They were broken up for thirty nine minutes and 27 seconds. The time it takes her to get from The Club, to the kebab shop, to her flat, basically.

So there you go.

But otherwise: life's great! Hope your's is too.

Happy Tuesday xxx

This isn’t just love – this is a weekend mini break!!!!

I feel just like Bridget Jones (although thinner and in a slightly different line of work LOL!) Seriously, life couldn’t be sweeter at the moment, and it finally looks as though the sun might stay out! At the weekend, me and Wing finished work and felt like eating some greasy Chinese food (you know how she loves the greasy fast food – seriously, I don’t where it goes on her!) Tone was up for that too and told us to wait for him while he locked up. Then Fabian (Wing’s new BF) called her and said he was a bit bored watching tv so we kind of ended up on an impromptu double date! Ha! Now if I had mentioned a double date to Tone about a year ago, he’d have laughed in my face or made some lood (sp?) comment about me asking another girl to join us in the bedroom, but to my complete and utter surprise, Tone was really laid back about it. Turns out, even weirder and brilliant still, that Tone likes Fabian and they were having a good old chinwag on the way to the buffet place! We strolled around Leicester Square/Picadilly Circus for a while and me and Wing started singing ‘Alllll byyyy myselffff’ a la Bridget Jones because we love the bit in the film where it says GO BRIDGET, GO on the ad boards on the circus bit. You know what I mean right? !

Anyway, then we get all carried away quoting lines from the film and I say ‘This can't be just shagging. A mini-break means true love.’ 

We carried on being loud and Bridgetty all the way to the Chinese and then Tone pulls me aside as we’re going in and whispers ‘I’m going to take you in a weekend mini-break.’ 

Eeeeeeeek! So aside from having a plate full of seriously yummy and greasy Chinese, I got promised a weekend away! It can’t be for another few weeks as Tone has to plan cover for the club, but he said it can be our little alone time instead of going to Camp Bestival. He even said he’s got a place in mind, but it’s a big secret at the moment! Ooooohhhhh I love the summer and having a lovely boyfriend. 

HAPPY TUESDAY! 

Nothing To Report

Sun is shining, life is great, Tone is great, everything's great!

Even Mavis is only scoring 3-4 on the Wierd-O-Meter (that's out of ten, normally I'd say she was a 5-6). Me and Tone went round hers Sunday dinnertime and she ACTUALLY COOKED. That's rite... not warm up something in the microwave! She hadn't used the oven in so long it went all smoky and odd and we ended up getting Chinese anyway but she did try and thats what counts!

Tone is talking about going to Camp Bestival again but I think I'd like to steer clear of everywhere we went *before* if you know what I mean. Make some new memories in new places. I'd like to go to some little place near a beach thats dead quiet and read books and eat seafood. I told Tone this sure he'd be like, "What are you nuts" but he actually said "Why not?" OK so he's not OOBER-KEEN (sp??) or anything but I can hardly blame him, I'd probably not of been six months ago and he's trying too. I have a vague memory of going to Devon with my Dad when he was still alive yeeeeeeeeeeeears ago when I was a little girl, maybe we could try that?

Hope your great too. Happy Tuesday!

The One

Wing Hun said you "just know" when you've found The One. She goes out with a bloke called Fabian at the moment - no joke, who calls their kid Fabian??? How can you look at a TINY LITTLE BABY and say, "Ah yes, the perfect name for him is FABIAN"!!! It sounds like some kind of Laura Ashley line... "The FABIAN collection... complete with drapes, soft furnishings, candles, scents....!" YIKES!

Where was I? Oh yeah. Wing says you just know. She reckons she knew with Fabian when he took her to this posh restaurant and she said she'd rather have a kebab. He didn't bat an eyelid apparently and they ran out on the bill and he got her this massive kebab out in Streatham with chilli AND cheese on AS WELL. With a Dandelion and Burdock to wash it down. That's gotta be love, right? To Wing, anyway... She loves kebabs and D&B!! How the hell is she a size 8?? LOLOLOLOL (and NO, I know whatcha thinking: dancing & laxatives & zillions of trips to the loo to chuck it all back up! No way! : P ).

TBH I always thought Wing Hun bought into all that crap from the magazines she reads and all those Mills And Boon novels. She's always got her head in one of those at work. Once she even did a peep show a reading an article from CLOSER she left on the floor at her feet, LOL. And even when I was with Tone the first time around I still didn't really get it... He never seemed to care for me 100% or even care as much about me as I did him... but that was then.

Maybe our time apart did him some good or he finally grew up - who knows - but I had a moment like Wing Hun said at the weekend. I was in the bath at his and he didn't come in getting all lairy saying he wanted to soap me up or anything like that like he might of a year ago. Instead he comes in with a towel for me. And it's a new one. And it's pink. So I say:

"Didn't know you liked pink."

And he replies, "I bought it for you to keep here, you daft mare."

That's when I knew he was The One. Who says romance is dead, hey?! hahahaha.

Happy Tuesday!

x

Home

Mavis is home! Me and Tone picked her up day before yesterday. She kept called tone Dermot for some reason, but otherwise shes back to her normal self (and when I say normal, OK I mean wierd, but wierd-normal, not WIERDWIERDWIERD like the other week!).

Tone has been well good about it all. We went over to her house before we went to get her and cleaned up, made sure all the bad stuff was gone... there was spinach and ricotta cannelloni on the hall carpet that WOULD NOT COME OUT so we went to the factory shop in town and got this well nice new rug to cover it up, it has a giant daisy in the middle. Mavis saw it and started crying! So sweet.

We got her a new fish tank as well full of Nemos and Dorys and even this underwater snail thing, it's so cool, I know someone who would approve!!! We named him George. Mavis wasn't quite as keen, said he kept looking at her funny but I told her to keep him under watch and if he starts anything I'll be round to pick him up. I can always put him in a tank back at mine.

Before she got back we had a little clear out of all the uber poisonous stuff just in case like the shake n' vac (obv) and replaced them with those natural cleaning products like white vinegar and stuff, it was Tone's idea, hes so responsible now. Mavis was only in the hospital five minutes but managed to come back with one of those french knitting needle things like these, she's making loads of giant wool sausages. She reckons shes going to make a cardigan but I don't really see how cos it just goes on and on and on and on but whatever makes her happy.

Tone dropped a bit of a bombshell last night! Reckons I should move back in to his, says I been at his four nights out of seven anyway.... Hes got a point but at the same time I've really liked having my own place and I dunno if I want to give that up yet, even for him. And I said that to him, thats how far we've moved on... I wondered if he'd go ballistic about it or start whining at me saying I can't love him or stuff like that, but he didn't! He said whenever I felt ready was cool with him. Hes like a different guy, he really is.

Anyway... suppose I better go to work, I'm on lates! There's some stag do on which always means great tips, tho TBH I can do without the lechy blokes. Still need a new job! But then some things never change... LOL.

Happy Tuesday!

x

Shiny Happy People

Best Bank Holiday weekend ever? I think so! Well, specifically Friday. And it’s not like I even got the time off work. Our club isn’t the kind of business that can afford to close on a Friday night!

I woke up at Tone’s on Friday morning. He’d been really sweet and picked me up when I went to see Mavis (who is on the mend, and will be back at home in a few days – thanks for all your kind messages of support) I was pretty starving as I’d been with her for a few hours and I hate all that kind of hospital food stuff. Bleughh. So Tone took me out for some Thai food – it’s sooooo yummy – definitely taken over as my fav kind of food – and we were getting on really well. He was making me lauh and it felt like the good old times. He didn’t mention not being on anything, but I could tell he was clean. He only had one Stella as well, so I was pretty impressed. Neither of us wanted to go home alone, and I wasn’t working, and he wasn’t due in at the club so we went back to his and watched a couple of movies. We fell asleep on the sofa, and when I woke up he wasn’t there. I was a bit confused, but went into the kitchen to see him making Angel Delight and two mugs of Galaxy hot choc. I guess that’s when I knew. I knew he had changed and that maybe we could give it another shot. I couldn’t believe I was the one who was saying it, but I just blurted out; ‘SHALL WE GIVE US ANOTHER GO?’ And the rest is history. LOL! So on Friday when we woke up, we had a HUGE fry up brunch and watched ALL of the wedding. I couldn’t believe that Tone watched the whole thing with me – that’s a changed man if ever I saw one.

Then we decided to go and join in with everyone else partying in the centre of the city and made a huge jug of Pimms. My fairytale is back on track after the fairytale weekend with the Prince and Princess. I’m feeling a bit like a Princess again. If only I could have Kate’s dress! LOL.

Easter Madness

You know how you're always ill when it's a bank holiday? Just cos all the doctors are closed you go and get a a raging sore throat and temperature, or cystitus or whatever.

And of course this one was a double bank hol, so Mavis decided to really go to town. I went over on Easter saturday for our usual lunch - microwave spinach and ricotta canelloni, but with a huge selection of Easter Eggs - and there she is in just her knickers, doing the vaccuuming, like its completely normal. Turns out she's been putting shake n' vac in the tropical fish tank too cos they're all DEAD, even her fave orange Nemo fish.

I wasn't too phazed at first cos if you remember she was quite strange over Christmas too, talking to people who weren't there and stuff. But her bro Phill died at Christmas years ago so it's a bit of a trigger for her (I never met him) and when I called the Mental Health Crisis Team they told me to ring back only if she threatened to harm herself or others, or wanted to come in HERSELF and talk to them. I got quite annoyed at the time cos I reckoned they should of come out anyway, but thinking about it later I suppose it makes sense - even if you're mental you're still a person and its not right for doctors to come out and just TAKE YOU AWAY if you're not actually hurting anyone, thats what they did in the old days of course and look what happened there! Lots of people locked away and shoved in ice baths and getting their brains fried with electric. Nice. Not.

So I persuaded Mavis to put some clothes on (she's got a tattoo on her boob! I never knew that) and she was back microwaving stuff like there was no tommorrow. I decided not to mention the fish. While she was "cooking" I figured I could move the tank - it's only a small one - to out the back where she wouldn't see it: my plan was - get some new fish when the shops open.

BIG MISTAKE.

Mavis came back in, saw the fish tank was gone IMMEDIATELY. She wanted to know where I'd taken it and why. I tried to explain she'd accidentally killed the fish but she was having none of it. She reckoned I killed them! She said some really horrible things to me, like I was always trying to kill the fish and it was my fault all the cats kept coming in the garden. It was really upsetting. Anyway she ended up throwing me out of the house and the spinach and ricotta canneloni after me, which woulda been quite funny if the bloody stuff hadn't splashed on my arm and it was still hot and IT REALLY HURT.

So I'm crying by this point and Mavis is in her house still yelling at me to get away from the front door. The neighbours are all out by this point cos loads of em are having BBQs and some of them are being real idiots, laughing at her, which makes me yell at them, so I look crazy as well! There was one nice woman - she must be new on the road cos I'd never seen her before - and she said she'd talk to Mavis and see if she could calm her down while I call the Crisis Team. I'm just about to and my mobile rings and it's TONE - I answer and he's like, "Why are you crying, I'm coming round to Mavis' right now" and suddenly he's there and a mental health nurse and a social worker and ALL SORTS and all these people are staring at poor Mavis who's now out on the lawn and SHRIEKING about her dead fish and waving a mop around like it's a light saber.

Anyway to cut a long story short, Mavis consented to treatment and went off with the Crisis Team. They're not keeping her in forever or anything like that, it's voluntary, they reckon she should be back in a few days. I told them she didn't mean to burn me with the canneloni.

Tone was really nice though, a real gent. He took me back to my flat so I could change my canneloni spattered clothes and didn't even try it on anything. Then he took me out to a few bars so I could drown my sorrows. Woke up with him of course on Easter Sunday, but I didn't freak out, it felt right somehow. So that was something - shitty weekend otherwise!!!

Hope yours was better! Happy Tuesday x

Meh x 2

I'm okay... just meh.

Keep thinking about Tone and me. He's backed off totally - had expected him to be full-on like before, but he's cool. Well, not cool... He's perfectly nice. But it's like last week never happened... or was a dream or something. Really weird.

Work is a pain in the arse at the moment, we're run of our feet. Paprika went and left suddenly last wednesday and all her regulars are up in arms, especially this one guy, Brian who says his heart is broken! I mean WTF? a) she's just a dancing girl and b) she's made of 90% plastic anyway and has all the personality of a wet sponge. Tone asked me to try and talk her round, which I did, but TBH I probably didn't try to hard. She was always causing a ruck at work, saying the rest of us were fat and the like. I mean, it's not needed is it?!

Anyway FOOD is calling... cheese and onion pasty I think, followed by Cadbury's Dairy Milk... Only thing for days like this!

x

I know I should have known better.

The inevitable happened. I know you were all thinking it. And I guess in the back of my mind I was thinking it as well. I suppose I was trying to ignore it or suppress it, or whatever really. I was kidding myself when I thought nothing would ever happen with Tone again. Yes, that’s right, I slept with him. Yes, yes, I can hear the shouting and capital letter Tweets already, but you know what? I don’t really regret it. I didn’t feel bad, or good, or guilty or over the moon, I just felt (and feel) fine about it.

It happened like it ALWAYS happens whether it’s with one night stands, exs on the rebound or in the movies: We had a great night out, we went out for a few more cheeky drinks afterwards and then one thing led to another and ‘we went upstairs for coffee’ By that point I don’t know what he was thinking, but he knows for a fact that I don’t drink coffee very much and I’ve never known Tone to drink coffee after 4pm – that time is dedicated purely to alcohol. And to be honest, after 7 mojitos, who wants coffee?! So it happened, and when I woke up in bed next to him in the morning I realised just how much I’d missed sleeping alone for the past few months. He got up and went and got take out breakfasts from the greasy spoon over the road, and brought me 2 litres of water and some painkillers and left them by my bedside table. What a gent eh?!

I’m not making any sudden bolting moves to get back together with him, I just really enjoyed my night and will keep that in mind with things with Tone in the future.

Let the abuse begin… LOL!

In other news, Mavis is OBSESSED by the impending Royal Wedding. I nipped round earlier and she has three, yes, THREE (!) cushions with their faces on. Oh dear….

Try Hard

What a difference a week can make eh? I’ve gone from feeling disappointed that Tone didn’t seem to have changed, and feeling foolish for believing things could be good again to being a little freaked out by him!
After the drama (well, non drama really) of our meal, he obviously realised he’d been a bit of a dickhead and sat up and took note of the fact that I wasn’t interested anymore. And because of that, Tone has taken things to a whole new level. It’s a little bit cringey, but then I can’t deny that I like the attention. Find me a girl who wouldn’t love a bunch of rainbow tulips in their work locker?! I’m still having doubts about our potential as a couple. At the end of the day he has a bit of a problem when he’s snorting the white stuff, and his love for the white stuff has pretty much always outweighed his love for me. Well, I think it has.
So I’m trying to take the new level of attention with a pinch of salt, but at the same time, I may as well enjoy it right? I’m actually earning a bit more from his mood swing at the moment because I’ve been on Window 1 EVERY NIGHT since we went out for dinner. It’s still the same pay rate, but the tips are always better because Window 1 mostly gets more customers. You see the customers know that ‘the best’ girls are usually in Window 1. I did tease Tone a little bit by buying a new wig that he’d always said I should get. (A bit like that candy wig that Scarlett Johanson (sp?) wears in Lost in Translation) I hope he doesn’t take that the wrong way actually. I might not wear it every night.
I guess I feel as though I’m in limbo a little bit at the moment, but whilst there’s no one else on the scene, and Tone isn’t being pervy or too annoying, I may as well lap up the attention right?

Cold Feet

No, not the tv programme, although I kind of wish that was what I was blogging about instead. (I seem to remember that programme being pretty good actually)

But I’m on about the date I went on with Tone. And things with Tone in general.

It wasn’t disasterous or anything like that, it just didn’t feel right, you know? We kind of like, didn’t click? And if felt like a bit of a wasted effort.

After my dull week, I decided to treat myself to a new dress for the occasion and ended up going all out on a dress from Topshop that was far too expensive for what it is, but far too pretty to leave on the hanger in the shop. (Added bonus was that of the 2 sizes I tried on, the smaller one was the one that fitted. LOL!) Was a bit annoyed that whilst on my way to work the following night, I saw 3 girls wearing it, but then that’s the curse of TopShop isn’t it?

So I made a proper effort. I’d got this cute flowery tea dress and I had a nice long hot shower (did necessary hair removal – but ONLY to make me feel better about myself – NOT for what you’re all thinking) and blow dried my hair etc.

Also ended up buying a nail varnish for £8 or something obscene in TopShop but it was the perfect colour match for my dress. So I painted my fingers and toes too. I was feeling v sexy and v good about myself before I left, and I just had a little shot of vodka to calm the butterflies in my tummy.

Tone picked me up and said I looked pretty, and then asked if my dress ‘WAS ON SALE OR SOMETHING?’ because he’d seen loads of girls wearing it. Oh.

But anyway, aside from that, we were exchanging the necessary small talk on the way to the restaurant.

Tone had decided to take me somewhere new, and when we got there, they’d lost our reservation. So we had to wait 10 minutes for a table. That didn’t put Tone in the best of moods. I tried to calm him down and reassure him everything was okay, but I just was flooded with memories of his aggression and how that was the thing I had wanted to escape. When I looked him in the eye his eyes didn’t look quite right, so I reckon he might have done a cheeky line of something. I can’t be sure, and I didn’t want to ask, but that’s the Tone that I don’t want to be with.

He did calm down a bit, and conversation kind of flowed again, but I held back quite a lot and realised that wasn’t what I was there for.

I made my excuses before dessert as it just got uncomfortable. I hope Tone didn’t beat anyone up or get in trouble when I left, I could see in his eyes he was angry.

I got myself some pudding on the way home and snuggled up on the sofa in my pj’s with a romcom. Tone called a few times when I got home, but I ignored them. I really don’t think he’s right for me at the moment.

Heart vs Head

Yet again I know what you’re all going to say, but don’t think I’m not tormented enough already. Yes it involves Tone, and yes it potentially involves me seeing him outside of work. Shoot me now!

After last week when I was feeling low, this weekend didn’t bring me much more in the way of happiness. (Felt crap, had ‘girl pains’, ate loads of chocolate, watched Comic Relief, cried at the sad bits with the poor kids, ate more chocolate, and then ordered Chinese take out at stupid o’clock in the night. Oh, and then ate the leftovers for breakfast. Can I just say that I did attempt a jog on Sunday morning to make up for it, but I was out of breath by the end of the road – typical me, LOL)

ANYWAY, so I went to work yesterday morning after a crap weekend and when I went back to my locker at the end of the night there was a pink card inside (I’m presuming he’d slid it in the side – little bit freaky lol) which said ‘WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER ON THURSDAY NIGHT?’ TONE x’

So my heart skipped a beat a bit as I tried to work out what to do. I tried to find him at the club but for some reason I couldn’t, and I don’t have his number anymore because I deleted it. So I took the card home with me and stared at it for a while (whilst I ate another bar of Dairy Milk – it helps with decision making ok?) and tried to decide what to do.

I decided I should write him back because he wrote to me. And I finally decided to put, ‘That would be lovely. Thank you.’

Did I do the right thing? It’s just dinner. Friends have dinner all the time right? Other friends would go for dinner with me? Wouldn’t they?

Argh. Happy Tuesday.

Picnics and Peanut Butter

Ok, ok, I know what you’re all going to say, especially all you Tweeters out there, but I’ve been feeling a bit down this week. It’s been really sunny (still bloody nippy when you forget your cardy lol) and I’ve been thinking about summer and picnics and nice things to do when it’s warm, Only thing is, all of them seem bloody boring by myself. I was walking past Hyde Park (felt a bit adventurous!) and saw a couple having a carpet picnic – you know, the kind where you’re defying the fact that it’s still actually March but the sun’s out and you don’t care?! So you take extra blankets to make up for it! Anyway, I saw this couple and it reminded me of being with Tone, and how he’d always make silly frivlous (sp?) decisions like buying a bottle of £50 fizz to take to the park with sarnies from M&S. LOL. Thing is, and I know you’re all going to shout me down, especially you @Bang2write, but I do miss him quite a bit. It’s hard being alone after being with him for so long, and grabbing a Sub of the day is nowhere near as fun as boozy picnics. Might see if he wants to go for a drink sometime for a bit of a catch up, mind you, if he puts me on window 3 again this week then I’ll be taking that back!

Have a good week! Xxx

P.S. Yea, yea, I know it’s a few hours late but I was preoccupied with the tele and a jar of peanut butter – I ate the LOT with a spoon! LOL

Okkkkkkkkkkk....

... So I went on the date.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. Totally appreciated the warnings in particular... if it wasn't me I'd probably have said exact same thing... but then cos it WAS me, I'd have always wondered if I should of gone. It was a tough one! But I took Wing with me in the end, so nobody had to worry, least of all me.

And as it goes, I needn't of worried anyway cos guess what... My mystery date was Tone! Thats one guy I DO know pretty intimately, LOL. At least I thought I did... flowers and dresses and dates?? I was pretty wierded out and when I first saw him I was kind of disappointed, I never really thought it could be him. Like a whole new side to him. I almost took one look and walked out with Wing again, but something made me go over to the table even though Wing was like, "lets go". She's in a mood with me right now but she'll get over it.

So anyway: I had a meal with him and Tone was really interested in me for once and actually asking me about my life and stuff. He said he knows he sees me at work all the time but he wants to actually get to know me, for real. He even said sorry for all the shit before and all that crap with Paprika/Marika recently trying to make me jealous.

He said he's changed.

He's said that before of course... but then I've never put my foot down like I have the last six months or so. Always before we'd argue and he'd be like, "sorry" and I'd be "oh alright then" and we'd struggle on like we did before. But this time I made a break and showed him I could survive on my own and he could go stick it up his arse. He said that made him think. He said he's underestimated me and he'd never do that again.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

On the plus side, the meal was lush. I had this wierd green asparagus soup thing with an egg to start, then a steak with peppercorn sauce, then Eton Mess. Yum! I also drank a bottle and a half of wine. Well, Tone was paying and hes's flush, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh and by the way - just so you know: NOTHING HAPPENED. Tone didn't even try his luck. Got me a taxi after the meal and kissed me on the cheek, like a gentleman. Didn't want to come back with me, didn't go for a snog and didn't even hassle me to call him. Yesterday at work he was nice, but didn't push anything, wasn't in my face at all. I just don't know what to think - never seen this side of him. Ever.

So that was Saturday! And today's Tuesday again... lots of thinking to do. Have a good one!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Okay, so I got some flowers last week. Which was nice. But this week??

A DRESS.

That's right! A dress! I still can't quite believe it. I went into the cafe for my Monday night hot choc and I'd be lieing if I said I wasn't *hoping* he (whoever he is) might've left something for me, cos I was. But I figured it might be a card or a note or even a photo or something.

But instead, the waitress comes over with a face like a smacked arse - haha you shoulda seen her she was so jealous! - with one of those fancy boxes from department stores and dumps it in front of me and stalks off without a word. Later she said she hadn't seen who left it, but I wasn't sure she was telling the truth. Maybe I can ask her again later.

Anyway: inside the box was like, layers and layers of tissue paper and inside the most gorgeous dress you ever seen! Expensive one, too, didn't even recognise the label it was that fancy, certainly wasn't New Look or Dottie P's, LOLOLOL. And with the dress was a note, saying to meet him at a restaurant in town this saturday, table's booked for 8pm! And to wear the dress!

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

I was well-impressed and still sort of am, but now I'm starting to worry... but meeting a stranger is OK in a public place, isn't it? Loads of people meet people off the internet on those dating sites and there's gotta be more weirdoes on those than in real life, right? I showed the dress to Wing and she didn't seem very cool with it, she said it was creepy to get a dress from somebody you don't know who obviously knows you... and I hadn't thought of it like that before. Then she said, "What if it's Tone who sent the dress?" but I know it CAN'T be him, he'd never do something like this, his idea of foreplay is buying me a few Babychams, HAHA!

But she's right that this guy must've seen me about, he even got my dress size right! What if it's a punter from the club? What if that's oddball that comes in on Mondays?! Ick. He really is creepy. Or maybe I'm being unkind. Maybe he only comes into the club cos he's lonely - and we all know how that feels!!!

I'M SO CONFUSED.

I suppose I could just see how I feel Saturday night. He didn't leave a number or email or anything for me to cancel either, so I'd feel bad not going AT ALL... Maybe I should go at 8pm, say thanks very much and then leave? Argh! This bit never happens in the movies!!! What would YOU do?

Oh - and happy tuesday x

Flowers for Tuesday!

Ok, so I thought stalkers were meant to be right weirdos. Like the kind that go through your bins, and hide in bushes and send you ransom notes with letters cut out from newspapers. And I would know, that assumption isn’t from watching thrillers but from working at the club. Even after all we’ve been through, Tone usually makes sure I get to the tube okay, or if it’s too late, he puts me in a taxi. I’ve had a couple of scary encounters in my days there and he needs us back there the next night, not getting kidnapped by some crazy Dexter fan! LOL.

BUT I’ve got a nice stalker! Well, at the moment he’s really nice. I’m hoping he doesn’t turn into some crazy mofo wielding knives etc..

So yea, I went into the café this morning to get my usual caffeine fix, and there’s this HUGE bouquett (sp?!) of flowers on the side. There’s me thinking that it’s one of the waitresses birthdays, until the lady serving picks it up and gives it to me. ‘HEY NIC, SOME GUY LEFT THESE FOR YOU THIS MORNING.’

I’m sorry now, which guy? But she doesn’t know because she wasn’t in for the early shift. So now I have THE BIGGEST bunch of roses I’ve ever seen (bigger, and more expensive than the ones Wing got last week for Valentines – maybe he reads my blog LOL!) I’ve had to move the coffee table magazines because they take up so much room. Well actually, if I’m being honest, I had to buy a bloody vase as well, but I’m not complaining! Haha. Need to get my Miss Marple hat on and try and find out who this guy is! Any reverse stalker tips, much appreciated!

Happy Tuesday.

Ruby's Blues

Urgh. Argh. Grrrr and other such angry, depressing words. For the first time ever, (EVER) I had no date on Valentine’s Day. Never have I felt more lonely since splitting up with Tone, especially as I had to work at the frigging club. I’d been praying that Tone would have the heart to make it my day off, so I could get some take out and go and chill with Mavis, but nope, he put me on sodding Window 1. He must have done it on purpose. To make matters worse, the club was rammed with single, pervy guys wanting some kind of comfort from their Valentine blues. One guy asked to take me out for a drink, and believe me, I was tempted, but club rules are club rules, and I know he’d probably have been a loser/freak/rapist etc.

To top it all off, Wing got THE BIGGEST bouquet of red roses delivered to the club that I have ever seen. They looked like they cost a few days wages! What is it with sickly loved up couples? Why do they have to flaunt their relationships for the entire single world to see? Don’t get me wrong, I loved Valentines when I was with a boyfriend, but generally we just went for a meal and to the movies, we never shoved our 14^th Feb affection down single peoples throats.

After work I headed to the late night café nearby. I swear it stays open 24/7 and the same people are always in there! They make a mean fry-up, seriously good apple pie, and the perfect hot chocolate for my wind down trip home from work. So I go in only to be surrounded by MORE single couples, and I SWEAR TO YOU, that one girl said to her boyf ‘My heart starts to deflate when I'm not around you." Ermmmm, maybe you should get some help babe?!

But anyway, I get my hot choc (with marshmallows – I deserved it ok?!) and when the waitress served me, she put my drink down along with a red envelope. Now I’m all for gay marriage and all, but I don’t swing that way, and was a bit confused to say the least. (Although slightly flattered at the same time that I hadn’t escaped without a card) But she must have sensed what I was thinking and said, ‘OH NO, SOME GUY LEFT IT FOR YOU.’ Some guy left it for me? SOME GUY LEFT IT FOR ME?!

I opened it when I was on the tube and all it said was ‘Be mine, Valentine’ with a kiss. At this stage of the day I’m both chuffed to bits and seriously freaked out. Who is my Valentines stalker? And before you ask, it’s not Tone, he’s not that romantic and it wasn’t his handwriting. ARGH I HAVE A (VALENTINES) STALKER! That’s all I need! I feel like I’m in a movie. LOL.

Clean Out

So, since I'm old now I figured I better get my life in order. Because to be frank, it was totally fecked. Financially I mean. Well actually every which way, really. And not in a GOOD way!!!

When I was with Tone he took care of everything money-wise. Probably cos hes well dodgy. He was always going on about tax losses and not putting stuff thru the books but to be honest I never really had a clue what he was on about and didn't care. Mavis, despite being mental, actually is strangely obsessed with money. Every day, several times a day, she gets one of those mini statements from the cash machine and she has this big calculator where she tots everything up constantly. Even doing the weekly shop she'll take it with her, checking everything she puts in the basket adds up to her benefit money. Dunno why she bothers really cos she buys the same things every week, you'd think she'd know how much it comes to by now, but hey ho.

So, yeah: I never had to deal with money. Until the last few weeks.

Funny how stuff creeps up on you. I "get" obvious stuff like food and rent, obvs - besides anything my landlord Mr Spitani (real name!) sounds like hes in the mafia or something, so I always make sure I have it for him in cash when he comes round, haha. He has this small dog that's not even remotely threatening - think its a a chiwawa (spelling??) or something - yet somehow still manages to creep me out, especially cos Mr Spit's always kissing it. Eeeurgh. The dog's got this glint in his eye: "Give the guy his money... bitch." Or maybe I'm imagining it. LOL

And obviously I know you buy stuff, money comes out your account - and that credit cards and store cards aren't REALLY free money. But its so HARD not to buy stuff you want that'll cheer you up, especially when you've had a shit day. And I've been having a lot of shit days recently. WHOOPS.

But the ones that really got me - BLOODY UTILITIES! Did you know those bills come quarterly? Cos I didn't. I got a gas bill and leccy bill on the same day just after Chrimbo and just recently I got a water bill... followed by a sewage bill!!! FFS. I reckon I must owe these companies three trillion pounds. Alright, probably near on £500 (it was a cold winter, alright!). But I haven't got bloody £500. ARGH. Probably shouldn't have let them go red either, LOL. Mavis had been muttering something about payment books and direct debits and what not when I moved into the flat but then she mutters a lot about random stuff. Yes, yes, I should've listened. Sigh.

So there goes my writing course... had saved up £70 towards doing something, but I guess I better call up my companies and offer them a chunk each instead, "good will" Mavis says. Mavis says they work out payment plans with you and stuff, so I guess I'll have to do that. Have cut up my store cards and credit card too. Did you know APR on some cards is as high as 39%??? I didn't even know what APR was!!! I'm such an idiot.

Happy non-debt Tuesday!

I'm 23!!!!

Owwww. Even typing makes my head hurt. I’ve drunk pints of water, taken those beasty painkillers that Tone left lying around and I still feel like shit.

So Wing came over last night. I haven’t seen her in ages, and suddenly she pops up with a text yesterday morning saying; COMING TO URS LATER. BRINGING WINE, BUYING TAKE OUT. NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.XX

What is a girl to do?! LOL.

Luckily I’d booked last night off work. I thought I’d end up with Mavis is some late night greasy spoon sobbing to her otherwise. But woohooooo, Wing saves the day. So I had a little mooch round the arse end of the sales and found nothing, so I decided to wander into proper London town and check out the ‘nice’ shops. That didn’t last long either when I stumbled (literally!) into Liberty’s and saw that their diaries (YES, THEIR DIARIES!) are £45!!!

A bus ride, and a cheeky KFC later and I was back at home where Wing was sitting on my doorstep. It was 4pm – naturally we started drinking.

By 7, I was good for anything, but luckily we had the initiative to get some food else I have no idea how I’d be feeling right now.

After dinner Wing whipped out the tequila and some feather boas that she’d brought over ‘as a pulling tool’. And then for some STUPID reason, we started playing Never Have I Ever. Not to make a sweeping generalisation about girls who work in our profession or anything, but playing it with only one other person who a) knows you quite well and b) ALSO WORKS IN A CLUB AS A DANCER makes for a hell of a lot of tequila!

Somehow, and I really don’t remember how, Wing managed to blag us a free taxi ride from my flat to a club. I’m not sure what it involved but I’m sure it was tequila fuelled.

I was having such a great night up until about 1 this morning. The drink really began to kick in and I managed to lose Wing. At first I thought I was being a drunken fool, but then I found her canoodling in the corner of the club with some guy. I THOUGHT IT WAS MEANT TO BE A GIRLS NIGHT FOR MY BIRTHDAY?! So I took it upon myself to pull as well, and not to boast or anything, but usually that isn’t much of a problem. BUT IT WAS LAST NIGHT. Maybe I looked as rough as I felt because only the really leery guys would have anything to do with me. By 2 o’clock I was ready to leave. I was vodkaad to oblivion and couldn’t find a cute guy to dance with. Then I got a text from Wing saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY. GONE BACK TO HIS PLACE. SPEAK TOMORROW.

Oh, well thanx. I tried to call a taxi but miss called Tone by mistake and then felt shit when he called back three times and I rejected them all.

I got up this morning with a killer hangover only to find the place a bomb site after our drinking and that Wing had spilt the tequila all over my kitchen floor. Add to that that the gas meter has run out and I don’t get paid until later means I’m hungover in a cold flat with no hot water. I was going to call in ‘sick’ but if I don’t go to work then I won’t have any heating for another day.

NEED MACDONALDS! Happy Tuesday!

Spice Girls

Shitty week this week. Noticed some bad vibes flying all over the interwebs too, people all seem to be having rubbish times atm. Boo! January, get lost. Gonna celebrate the end of the month with... MY BIRTHDAY. Yes! Can't believe I'm *nearly* 25. Well, that's 2 years away but you know what I mean - I'M ALMOST A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. That makes me feel depressed cos I thought I'd have done more stuff by now. Well I've done plenty of *stuff*, but BETTER STUFF, you know what I mean. I thought I'd have made more of myself. :(

I know why I'm in a mood of course - some new tart at the club, calls herself MARIKA (sounds like an indian spice to me, LOL) but her real name is Julia Spannings, saw it on her driving license when she left her purse in the dressing room. God that surname must have been a real curse at school, HAHA! But you should see her: fake-tits-a-rama, bet they cost a pretty penny. Seriously, she can lie down and her nipple tassels STILL point at the ceiling! (In case your wondering, it au naturale for me, taverymuch! AND ALWAYS WILL). So she's got a well-fit (surgically enhanced) body, but at least her face is dog ruff. But then that never did Jodie Marsh any harm. Sigh. And of course Tone is ALL OVER HER like a bad rash, even put her name up on the posters and bumped me back to window 2. Tosser.

Still, no matter - can do better than him anyway and better than this dive of a club. Decided I'm going to do some kind of correspondence course, maybe one in writing. Thought about getting a new job again but then I won't have as much time for writing cos I'll have to work twice as much to get the same money. Plus some of these courses are expensive! So, the plan: get some experience, get some drafts done instead of talking about em. 2011 is where its at!

Oh - and 31st January I'm ALL OVER THIS TOWN baby, gonna pull someone fiiiiiiiiiiiine! Think I deserve it. Last fella I slept with was bloody Tone anyway, about three months ago, even though we were supposed to be split (I knowIknowIknow). And the guy before that was that desperate student, whateverhisnamewas. CAN DO BETTER.

Happy Tuesday!!!

The Joys of Online Dating...

Crikey. Nearly missed posting a blog this week. I thought it was bleedin’ Monday still! So yea, been pretty busy this last week, finally getting the decorations down (yea, yea, I know there’s meant to be 12 days of Christmas, but who cares? – Fairy lights are pretty LOL) and generally sorting my life out a little bit. I also treated myself to Final Draft over the festive season, and so I’ve been playing around with that, trying to work it all out. Makes me feel a bit like a pro!

As I’ve been spending time at my computer so much, I thought I’d check in again with that internet dating site I signed up to. I thought I might get some spam so I linked it up to an old email address and forgot all about it. Geeeeee whizzz, I thought I’d turned really popular when I logged in, 217 emails?! But apparently people have been ‘liking’ my profile on the dating site, and leaving me some seriously crude messages. I thought they filtered that kind of filth?! Honestly, I feel better and safer in the club – at least I have Tone there to watch my back!

So I went through them all as best as I could and as a Tuesday night treat, have listed my top three below for you:

From BIGBOI86: Hey sugatits, you sound cute. Send me a pic yea?

(charming eh?!)

From: DannyC: Aren’t you tired? You’ve been running through my head all night…

(People STILL use these lines?!)

From: MrCharming: Hey baby, we should hook up some time. We’d set the night on fire.

(Just vommed a little bit in my mouth)

My main fun this week has been deleting all of these messages, oh and I replied to one….

To: BIGBOI86: Sorry honey, I don’t date guys with dicks the size of peanuts….

My account on this particular dating site is no longer available.

Hope you’ve had a good week.

Happy Tuesday!

Happy New Year!

OMG WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE! Lost my phone over christmas - yes I'm a menace when it comes to phones I know - but as it goes it didn't matter anyhoo cos I only went and bloody forgot all my logins to everything! I STILL haven't got into my email either, so if you sent me any emails in last four or five weeks I'm SO SORRY, I can't read em! Better to tweet me or Facebook me, TBH. Such a scatterbrain as Mavis says - charming, hey! And coming from her, too! Cheek.

Christmas was interesting. As you may recall I got bloody Tone for secret Santa at work. Well, anyway I decided upon the Hollyoaks calendar for him. You should have seen his face when he opened it – hahahaha. The excitement when he saw some fit topless girls, but then the devastation when he saw inside that I’d cut out ALL OF THE BOOBS!! LOL.

But the bastard got his own back on me by putting me in Window 4 all week and forcing me to wear a Santa bikini. It has fur trim and everything. I wouldn’t mind it being red, but the fur and matching Santa hat really annoy me. It’s not as nice as the Santa dress the other girls get to wear. Mind you, I got lucky because the heating was on the blink and the snow meant it wasn’t very busy. Tone had to send us all home in the end.

Me and Wing decided to go to a Christmassy market. Loads of mulled wine (Gluewine or something in German – I hope it’s not actually made of Copydex or something LOL) and some of that German spicy sausage later (no jokes please) and we were loving being in the Christmas spirit. We did think about hitting the tiles, but we knew we’d probably fall over, so we went back to my flat, drank some more wine and watched Elf and Love Actually. And then went down the police station cos of my bloody lost fone - booooo!

Christmas itself was ok - it's never "good" cos Mavis' brother Phill went and died on Xmas Eve (I never knew him) so she goes a bit funny. This year she set the table for seven (it was just her and me) and was talking to people who weren't even there. I called the mental health team who said to leave her to it if she wasn't hurting herself or me or getting upset. Gotta be honest, whoever the invisible guy was at the table must have been BRILLIANT at telling jokes or something, cos Mavis was laughing her head off. It kind of made me smile and made me sad at the same time.

After Christmas though she was more of her normal self - well as normal as she gets... She still had me going on cat patrol around her damn garden, lol. Haven't seen her for a couple of days, got a text today saying simply BRING CREME EGGS. So that's me sorted this evening, then - got the night off. Better not forget the creme eggs!

Happy New Year Tuesday!

x