How is it Tuesday already?!

I’m so frazzled by the festive season already and it’s still weeks away! LOL. I’ve found that having your own place with bills and silly things like council tax to pay for makes Christmas shopping almost impossible. It’s not like I can get presents for people from the 99p store!

I’d been quite pleased knowing that this year I wouldn’t have to buy anything for Tone. He’s really difficult to buy for and I always ended up spending more on him than I wanted to. So you can imagine my annoyedness when I got into work yesterday and got told the Secret ‘but not really so secret’ Santa presents had been drawn and that I was buying for Tone. He’s never taken part in it before, and I bloody bet he fixed it so that I have to buy for him. Grrrrr, he really makes my blood boil sometimes. Anyway, the budget is always a tenner so I don’t have to worry about overspending. I was tempted to tell him to take a tenner out of my wages but that isn’t really in the Christmas spirit is it?! LOL. And then, to top it all off, I get a phone call earlier from Mavis telling me that Tone had flowers sent to her and that he’d remembered that she loves poinsettias (always thought you spelt that poinTsettia!) The little bugger eh?!

So I’ve been having a think about what to get him and so far my thoughts are:

1. socks (shit and boring – just like Tone)

2. a dating guide book (he could really use some tips)

3. Hollyoaks girls calendar with all the boobs cut out (LOLLL)

4. Danny Dyer’s book – hahaha.

Anyway, I must crack on, am looking into buying myself Final Draft or something as a ‘to me, from me’ Xmas pressie so maybe I can finally start some writing in the new year.

What do you all want for Christmas?

Please hold...

V busy and important so no time to blog (LOL)
But yea, don't send food parcels or alert missing persons, I'll be back, Arnie style.

Trying to find a fish in that big old sea....

What is that they say at the start of the first Bridget Jones film? Like as soon as one area of your life goes well, another one falls on its arse. I should Google that or somethin but yea, I feel a bit like that at the moment. I’m loving the flat and having space to myself. It’s nice to tidy it a bit and come home knowing that it’ll still be how I left it (Tone not getting trashed ‘with mates’ or Mavis putting my magazines in the microwave lol)

But at the same time, I’ve been getting a bit lonely. I know I get a fair amount of male attention in my line of work, but it’d be nice to have a nice guy around.

Now, as a rule, I’ve found that I attract losers or meanies, so I’ve decided to give Internet dating a go! (My only experience of this is Danny Dyer, yes, Danny Dyer sending me a pm on Facebook!!!!!!)

So I had a look online to see which sites looked good, and there are thousands of the things! Surely if there are so many, it dilutes all the hotties and spreads them around? Some of them seem to have really stupid names too. I mean, e-harmony? Anyway, I managed to find some comparison sites and chose one without a stupid name, but then it takes FOREVER to sign up. I got a bit fed up after page 3 of 7. ‘Tell us more about your job in up to 250 words’ Ermmmm, it won’t take that many. Then it asked me what my style was. ‘Bohemian, Business, Classical, Cool, Ethnic, Rock, Sophisticated, Sporty, Trendy, Other.’ I mean, what do you even put for that?! I put sophisticated, because after all, I do have coffee table magazines now. Then it asked what my best feature is. My best feature? There was a box to tick that said ‘I’d rather not say’ – how kinky is that?! I ticked ‘A sweet spot not on the list’ but then I thought it would be a sure fire way to get the perves interested, so I went with eyes. Classic eh?

So now that I’ve gone through a GCSE in signing myself up to get matched with someone, I just have to sit and wait I think. At least now I know that I’m sophisticated with nice eyes!

How has your week been?

Happy Tuesday.

O.M.G

So I musta shown up on Danny Dyer's delicious radar, cos not only did I get sent a Deviation press release (me, the press!! hahaha!), I only got a FB msg off of him! Or the person who operates his his Facebook account anyway, I'm sure he's too important to respond to saddoes like me, LOL. I do like to think of him though, feet up on the desk, dictating these FB messages to some gorgeous secretary before sending her out to get him some pie and mash. (MMMMMM, my fave hinthint LOL).

So, anyway. Here's what the press release says:

King of the indies Danny Dyer will be taking on a new challenge this November in new thriller, DEVIATION.

Danny plays escaped convict FRANKIE who kidnaps a young nurse AMBER in a desperate bid to evade the authorities and flee the country.

Told in one night, DEVIATION sees Frankie hold Amber hostage in her own car, taking her on a terrifying ride through the seediest backstreets of London. Amber is played by Anna Walton, of HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY and THE MUTANT CHRONICLES.

DEVIATION is a tense psychological thriller in the vein of other white knuckle rides like THE HITCHER, RED EYE, PANIC ROOM and THE VANISHING.

So what attracted Dyer to the role? “Frankie is a complex guy, he’s not *just* a “psycho.”” says Danny. “He’s a tortured soul, but not one of those fellas Hollywood asks you to believe the hostage will identify with and even try and help get away. This guy is evil, but we can see why he’s ended up like this.”

DEVIATION is written and directed by JK Amalou (HARD MEN, THE MAN WHO WOULD BE QUEEN), produced by J.K., Lara Greenway (CRIKEY VILLAINS) and Michael Riley (VAMPIRE DIARY, OUTLANDERS, SUGARHOUSE, LAVA).

You can follow the movie here on Facebook, the official blog here or here via Twitter.

This is all so cool. Mega congrats to lovely ladies Lucy and Lara for being involved in all this (and thanks to Lucy for sticking me on the mailing list, know it was you really! LOL). But seriously: movies always seem so far away somehow, like other people make them, yet here they are getting stuck in. It makes me feel like I can do this too and bloody hell, I needed that reminder after the past few months I can tell you.

ROCK ON TUESDAY!

Please hold

Oh, hi. Not much to report this week. New flat still awesome and Mavis took me for Sunday lunch on well... Sunday. Unfortunately at Toby's Carvery she got a bit freaked out by all the meat on the slabs, so we ended up going to Esso and getting cold pasties. Had a nice walk by a frozen duck pond though. Until we found a frozen duckling. Mavis tried to put it in her handbag to take it to the vet so we had to have a bit of a tussle. Ended up taking it back to Dollis Hill and burying it in the garden. Then next door's cat dug it up again, so now Mavis is on high alert with a saucepan and a water pistol I got her from Pound Stretcher, LOL.

Other than that, I've been working and mostly squeeeeeing like a sad fangirl over the delicious Danny Dyer. Can't believe he's in a movie that's been written by someone I sort of know via someone else I met once (Hi Lucy). AND he's my friend on Facebook now, how cool is that??? I always swore I'd never be one of *those* girls but I gotta admit, seeing people in blog and facebookland put a movie together with people I actually recognise is well-inspiring. Makes me think that one day I could write a movie, or even a movie with Danny in! How cool? Would like to see the look on Tone's face THEN, hah!

So anyway... back next week. Leave your message after the tone.... BEEEEEEEEP!

SQUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

I've gone and done it! Not *that*, urgh, dirty boy LOLOLOL... I've got a new place to live! I'm not with Mavis anymore! GLORY! Gotta love Mavis, she's like my Mum and that, but you gotta admit she's so barking she could turn into a greyhound and nobody would notice (eh? Does that even make sense? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree! hahaha). Except that really doesn't make sense cos me and her are not related. DOUBLE LOL! Treble?? Who cares.

Anyway, where was I?? The new place! Tis truly fab. It's a little studio and smelt like cat piss of course and had porno in the bathroom, but now it is a LOVE PALACE. Or will be, when I find someone worth taking back to it! Wing found it in the paper late Friday night, told me about it when we were watching the fireworks on the common when we were supposed to be at work. Tone was so mad! Turned my phone off. Went to work last night and he was like, "Where were you over the weekend?" I reply breezily, "Flat hunting." His face!

Anyway the years of watching How Clean Is Your House? paid off cos Wing and I blitzed the joint with white vinegar and a bit of lemon. Worked really well! Then I got some white paint and gave the place a bit of a touch up. We went to Wilko and got some cushions and some of those lights in the shape of flowers you can drape over stuff... And Mavis made me some curtains.

It's a bit expensive for what it is (I can see some public toilets from my window on the left, niiiice!) and the downside is I definitely CAN'T just jack work in now with rent to pay, but then I wasn't going to let Tone drive me out, I'll leave when I'm good and ready thanks! Moved in for real yesterday afternoon, it's mint.

I know I've been a bit rude on here about her but I've loved my time with Mavis, though. She's so caring - when she's not worried about the Apocalypse or that guy off Top Gear who will APPARENTLY KILL US ALL. And no, I'm not even talking about that big annoying one that shoots his mouth off or the one that crashes all the time, but the one with the bad grey hair that builds real houses out of Lego. WTF? But then Mavis has never liked Lego. She still regales people at the Christmas gathering she has every year (read: me, a boyfriend, a few biddies from the WI) with the time her brother Phill swallowed a piece of Lego one Chrimbo and she and him and her Mam spent FOURTEEN HOURS in A & E. Must've made a big impression, she was only about 6 and poor Phill went and died in a car accident when he was 17. Sad.

Happy Tuesday! Come over to my place for a virtual drink, I'm raising a glass to ya!

I hate Mondays

...Fuck it. Maybe I shouldn't write that. Because that's the problem. Yeah yeah I know I'm a tit, etc but let me just finish alrite?? Alrite? Then I shall begin (always wanted to say that!).

So anyway. Tone's been real wierd with me all week - on thursday last week he even bought me some FLOWERS. They said, "I will always love you." Yeah I know dead soppy and I had to stop myself from bursting into it, Witney-style. But kinda sweet too. But then Wing Hun reminded me Tone's a wanker, that's why we split in the first place (actually still pretty mad with Wing too, though can you split with your friends? And what if they've got your Princess Laya gold bikini?! We'd have to go to court or something over it, no way am I losing that one, sat on eBay for hours bidding against some Geek Freak for it!!!).

Friday night comes and goes and most of the weekend is a blur of general boredom (apart from one half-naked guy at the club, he wasn't one of the punters, he was a random Security ended up rugby tackling before he could come in) and then Monday. I hate Mondays. Always so depressing somehow and there's always this guy who turns up on a monday, regular as clockwork, 7pm til 10pm, looks like a rat and smells like BO. ICK. Anyway I'm going off the point again.

I do my shift, the place is pretty dead and Tone lets Wing and the other girl Cerise go home early (only ever 3 girls in on a Monday). He says I have to stay cos, get this, "I'm the choice meat". Mmmm, yum, ta. Really impressive. He's being dead tedious (my big word of the week) probably because he's DRUNK so I figure I might as well help myself to the bar too since he's never going to notice. Gotta get your perks where you can, right?

Anyway I get more and more drunk and Rat Boy finally leaves and I'm thinking, we should close up. Only it's not half ten yet, which is usually the time Tone gives up on a Monday. He says, "Another half hour... Another half hour..." And I'm watching MTV and drinking more voddy and somehow time appears to have SLOWED DOWN. And somewhere in this time, Tone's talking to me and somehow he's seeming less and less like a twat and...

... You're right. I slept with Tone. In the office, on the floor! Classy. Woke up this morning under a coat and feeling like utter shite. And turns out Tone's only gone and taken the battery out of the clock. COCK. So he'd planned it all night. He was well pleased with himself, looked like the frigging Cheshire cat. This morning it was like we'd got back together or something, I mean what the hell?? Talk about loving yourself! "Oh I slept with you, you're mine?" HELLO!!!

What's quite interesting about this however is I'm not like devastated or anything though. I mean I'm pissed off obviously, but I'm not GUTTED. Which kinda says it all - I must have been more over him than I thought. Anyway, for anyone wondering I poured an old glass of water in his face and walked out and took a very long bath! Bastard. Shame he's so good in the sack though, I am SO WEAK!

Can only get better, right? Happy Tuesday!

Being all wistful and that

Been all reflective and stuff over the past week. Was thinking about what would have happened if I was pregnant, and feeling a bit sad that I’m not. (Not like really sad, but like, having a little thing to dress up could be nice lol) Anyway, it made me think about me and Tone. It’s kind of a shame to throw it all away, we’ve been going out forever. He’s a well nice guy, but turns into a monster when he’s in the wrong crowd and doing the wrong stuff. Feel a bit like Cheryl Cole in her interview thing on Pierce Morgan. She saying that Ashley is a nice guy - no one believes her, I feel like that when I say that Tone is a nice guy. Before you all start yelling at me, don’t worry, I’m not doing anything stupid, I’m just reminissing.

I try not to think bout it too much, it’s hard talking about it, but I decided to try and talk to Mavis about it and find out what she really thinks of him/us. Turns out, having Mavis as your relationship counsellor is like asking a toddler for relationship advice. LOL First of all she couldn’t quite work out who I was talking about, because she thought Tone had been on holiday for the past month... Whattt?! I tried to remind her we'd already HAD this conversation about us splitting, but turns out when he’d popped round to see her, he’d mentioned something about going to Aintree (presumably for some big lads gambling lash up) and she thought that Aintree was in Spain. So in Mavis’s world, Tone has been off on holiday in Spain for 4 weeks and is renting out his flat, which is why I’m back with her at the moment. I tried to explain but she got a bit huffy with me saying that Tone had definitely said he was going to Aintree. Right...

Then totally out of the blue on Sunday whilst I was pigging out on Dairy Milk on the sofa, she just goes ‘SO ARE YOU THINKING OF GETTING BACK WITH TONY?’ Then we had a relatively normal conversation (she went off on a random rant about seaweed – WTF?!) which ended with her saying ‘WELL I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU WITH HIM, HE SEEMS TO HAVE YOU WRAPPED AROUND HIS LITTLE FINGER, AND HE ALWAYS CARRIES SUCH LARGE AMOUNTS OF CASH. BUT HE DOES ALWAYS REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY AND BRINGS FLOWERS. MAYBE YOU SHOULD SUGGEST HE GETS A BANK ACCOUNT?’

You’ve just gotta love her right? Maybe visiting her is better than living with her though. I’m starting to feel like the luxury of being looked after has gone, and that I want some space of my own back. Maybe I’ll start looking for a little place of my own – preferably a little nearer to work than Dollis Hill!
Happy Tuesday.

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

I had the biggest bloody scare yesterday morning, I can’t even begin to explain just how much I was crapping my pants LOL

So the last few days I’d been feelin a bit peaky and dead emotional. (Like when I read about Courtney Cox and David Arquette splitting up, I nearly cried – I mean whattttt?!) But yea, I was feeling all emotional which I kind of put down to PMS, but then I started to munch on loads and loads of brandy snaps. I’m not sure why, but for some reason I was craving boxes of the bleedin things. I know what you’re thinking, but the switch just didn’t click in my head – I just thought I was having some mega sugar low.

Then on Sunday morning I woke up feeling queasy and I hadn’t even touched a drop of voddy or anything. (I was proud because I had had the whole weekend off and I didn’t call Wing and go into town to get trolleyed)

So that’s when the penny finally dropped. I was watching a bit of Sunday morning telly and that cute Petit Filous advert came on. ‘Awwww those little kids are cute… Wait…. Little… kids…little…. Babies…. OH…. MYYYYY…. GODDDD. *Drops the remote and the box of brandy snaps*

Luckily Mavis thought I was just getting a tad excited about fromage fraisee (sp!?) and so wasn’t too confused by me running out of the house in my trackies and flip flops to find a pharmacy.

I bought 2 tests. Those things are freaking expensive. (I had a scare a few years ago, but Tone was well nice and went to the shops for me) The lady at the counter gave me a knowing smile. She looked a bit smug, as if to say ‘MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE USED BIRTH CONTROL’ I wasn’t in the mood to retaliate, I was a tad preoccupied.

Anyway, I ran back to the house with all these thoughts racing thru my head about who the father could be. I mean, can you imagine me trying to find that Neil fella? Let alone telling him I’m up the duff.

I swear those tests take longer than 2 minutes. It was the longest two minutes of my life. Anyway, the test comes up with no mark. No positive or negative sign. WHAAAAAAA!!!! Then I started to really panic. So I did the second one, and again it felt like 3 hours had passed when my phone stopwatch beeped.

I’ve never been so happy to be negative about anything. Can you imagine me being sprogged up?! LOL. Naturally I had a couple of voddys afterwards to celebrate the fact that I’d be keeping my size 8 figure at least for the time being.

Cheery Tuesday

I’ve had a much better week so far which is good. Tone seems to be being a bit nicer to me and put me back on Window 2 at the weekend. He even paid me without having to ‘go to the cash point’ and I even got my tips packet back.

I suspect something’s up though. Don’t get me wrong like, I’m happy that he’s not making life hellish for me, but I’m suspicious. Nothing wrong with being friends though is there?

I went for a bit of a mooch around town yesterday as I was feeling a bit cheerier. I thought getting away from the club and Dollis Hill would do me good. Despite being October (which usually means that you can’t get bikinis in the nice shops) I spotted a well pretty pink bikini in the sale section of H&M. They only had my size left, so surely it was fate, right? Anyway, it was down to £8. But once I got to the till it was down to a fiver. Who else can buy their work suit for a fiver? LOL. It was nice cos I know Tone would have moaned at me that I’ve got thousands of bikinis (I actually have 12 now) so it was good to have a little shopping trip on my own. That being said he would of treated me to lunch somewhere nice afterwards. I had to make do with a sausage roll from Greggs.

My cheery mood took a bit of a beating when I went to get some food shopping at Lidl and went to pay. I’d run out of cash and only had my credit card left. It turns out they don’t take credit cards, only bleedin debit cards. So I had to leave my shopping at the check out, go back to Mavis’, borrow some reddies and then head back to Lidl. Then the checkout lady had to scan all the bloody shopping again! Argh!

So what I’ve learnt this week is that bikini shopping season is October, and that Lidl don’t accept credit cards!

What have you learnt this week?!

Sinking In

Sorry about last week... Had no idea NOT blogging or looking at Facebook/Twitter/whatever would get you all worried. Thats one really nice bowt this social network stuff actually, the fact I've suddenly got friends even if I've never met most of you. Wish I'd discovered it years ago, or it was available when I was in care, maybe I'd of not felt so cut off? Tone was always going on about internet being for losers (and he should know, he watches enough porn on it) so I didn't think to look until recently. Just as well he doesn't know about blogs and wouldn't touch Facebook with a bargepole, LOL.

Anyways... it wasn't life/death stuff, lets put it that way. Just felt bit rubbish really, you know how it gets, especially when you go and do something stupid! I got sick of waiting for Wing to call me back, so I went out instead, should of written a blog instead and staid in with Mavis. She was making my fave, Spinach and Ricotta Cannelloni (well, heating it up in the microwave!). But I knew best so I got my gladrags on and I drank half a bottle of voddy and went to some dodgy pub up near the common. On the hunt and lookin for prey.

I was so absolutely certain getting off with enough fella would do me some good! Such an idiot. But anyway, he wasn't hard to find, some student type, looked a bit desperate, Neil I think his name was. Quite good looking, bit posh, probably hadn't got much as a teen, so reckoned I was like all his Christmasses come at once. Not that I'm that well-good looking or anything, I'm not vain, but when you're a girl and don't look like the total back end of a bus, it's not that difficult to find fellas to go with you, is it?? All you have to do is ask, LOL.

So anyway I went home with him and it was peferctly okay tho not life-shattering, but then it never is when you do it with em for the first time, at least if you're female I reckon. I figured I'd wake up and Tone would be magically out my system but somehow I felt even WORSE. What's that all about?? Neil asks me if he can see me again and I say "yes" but I gave him the wrong number. Felt a bit guilty but then what can you do, I didn't want to see him again and I didn't want to have to explain.

Whats even worse was Tone was at Mavis place when I got back, reckoned he was bringing some of my stuff round. He was really cold, looked at me like I was nothing - we had five years together! I guess I wanted him to say, "I made a mistake" but he didn't and then he was gone and Mavis is saying to me, "Why didn't you tell me about all this?" She'd just assumed we were having a row as usual, not actual split. And I start crying and I just can't stop.

Whoa, what a depressing blog post. But I feel better now. Honest. Went to the cinema with Wing to watch that new Resident Evil which was fun and tho I couldn't really bear being around Tone too much last week - I was worried he could see what I'd done, somehow - he DID put me in Window 2 and included me this time when he bought a round of drinks for all the girls Friday night, which was bumper.

How's your week been?

GRRRRRRRR

Feeling bloody fed up this week and still effing angry at Tone. I feel like a kid having to stay with Mavis again, and as much as I love her, her nutty behaviour is starting to irritate me a bit. She randomly brought me a cheese and ham toastie at 4 yesterday morning. That would have been brilliant if I’d just come in from work, but I’d had the night off! LOL.

I’m really grateful for having a roof over my head, don’t get me wrong, but the trek back to Dollis Hill after a night in the club is doing my head in. There are some dodgy dudes on the night buses in London – Tone never used to be happy about me taking them, and they take freaking ages because they seem to stop at every bloody stop and then some other ones that just get invented because the sun’s gone in.

The trek to work isn’t so bad in comparison with the shit that I have to put up with from Tone once I’m there. He’s being a right wanker. He finally put me on Window 2 at the weekend but then he didn’t pay me properly. He said something about having to go to the cash point and so I waited outside the front of the club for 20 minutes until he finally stumbled back (he obvs had a cheeky pint or a kebab or something) when he told me that the cash point had run out of money. So for the 3 million cash points (maybe a slight exaggeration lol) in the centre of London, not one of them had any cash? Yea yea Tone. And this is coming from a man who ALWAYS has a bundle of rolled up Benjamins in his pocket.

Wing isn’t exactly helping either. She’s been really busy with uni work apparently. But surely she could return one of my calls? I think she might have met a fella, but she won’t admit it. And it’s not like I get to chat to her at work because Tone’s had her on Window 1, which is probably to make me jealous. I thought she might have fought my corner and come to Window 5 to be next to me. Friends eh?

Still, I made myself a whole bag of potato Smilee Faces for dinner and then had a massive bar of Dairy Milk. Not much that Dairy Milk can’t solve these days!

Hope your Tuesday has been better than mine!

DRAMA!!!

So anyway last week I got in trouble with the police and thought that was the worst it could get (at least in ONE week anyway) but I WAS SO WRONG.

Went back to Tone's after I legged it from my place and everything was fine... for maybe 24 hours. I forgot what a pigsty his place is and what a pig he is. In fact thats mean to pigs. I'm sure pigs don't leave mouldy cups and plates and full ashtrays everywhere and BLOODY GLASS BONGS lying on the floor, dimwit bloody tit.

ANYWAY. I'm picking my way across this unbelievable DUMP and trying actually to clean the place up and I stand on his precious bloody bong he brought back from India when he went out to find himself when he was twenty one (or some shit). It's made of glass and I'm wearing heels, so wham - went straight through it. I never liked it anyway - Tone is so boring when he's out of it - AND the dam think cut my heel cos my shoes are strappy.

So... There's actual BLOOD, I'm hopping around swearing, he comes in and actually says, "what have you done, you dappy bitch?"

DAPPY BITCH. I just saw red cos that is total out of order cos it was HIS FAULT. I call him a wanker and immature and whatever, it all just WHOOOOOSHES out and before I know it we've been arguing for four hours... I've literally coughed it all up! How he never appreciates me, how he's a pig, how he's inconsiderate, how he takes advantage, even how he's a sad old lech for going out with me in the first place! [He always says he's thirty nine but we ALL KNOW he's way older than that!!!] Then I start making fun of him, telling him what all the girls at the club say about him and probably I shouldn't have done that, but I'm just SO SICK of him never giving a toss how *I* feel...

... And anyway, to cut a long story short he chucked me out on the street. At about 1am!!! I tried Wing's but she was out and Mavis was bloody away (she's back now though), so I ended up walking round Leyton all night with two black binliners. There were a few cafes open and a launderette but can you BELIEVE IT! Typical Tone. I eventually went to Wing's and she put me up til Sunday which was when Mavis came back.

Of course he tries to get out of it, saying he reckoned I'd go to Wing's and how was he sposed to know she'd be out... but why would you chuck someone out on the street in the middle of the night??? I'm sick of him, he's gone too far this time... Especially since he got well nasty when he realised I wasn't budging: he only goes and says he'd sack me if I didn't get into work on Friday night, Wing too! So I ended up going - I needed the money! - and he puts me in WINDOW 6, which is for the new girls... I've been at the club for YEARS. And he wouldn't let me in the VIP room to talk up any of the punters for tips.

At the end of the night he says, "I hope you've learned your lesson" -- like I would just say, "Oh OK" and go back with him NOW. So I just walked out on him... You should have seen his face! Saturday night too, I came in, went to Window 6, not a complaint, totally blanked him. I could see his vains like BULGING, he was that mad. Last night (Monday) he was trying to make me jealous going on at the Polish girls and laughing too loud if you know what I mean, looking over at me every five minutes. Loser.

So that was my week. Happy Tuesday -- can't be any worse cannit??

Landlord, Police, Action

Short one today as I'm in-between crisissess (spelling??): the Landlord came round yesterday and started fffin and blindin at me about the state of the flat which is well harsh cos it was a dump when I moved in!!! But apparently theres a been a slow leak from the boiler which I didn't notice cos of the SHEER AMOUNT OF CRAP I crammed into the boiler cupboard.

Most of my stuff there is ruined now but apparently thats not enough for the landlord - he wants to charge me for the boiler too! I told him to sod rite off, besides which I don't even have any money anyway - but apparently I've violated clause 42 or something of my tenancy agreement which says I have to notify him of things going wrong in the flat or I'm liable! I told him the boilers so bloody ancient it's a miracle it hasn't killed me of carbon monoixde poisoning and then he's REALLY be in trouble and up for manslawter (womanslawter!!!) but he was having none of it and said I was a skank and then I might have given him a little smack in the face and then he called police and then I got picked up and taken down the station!!!

And I missed work and Tone got miffed and left no less than 18 messages on my phone but my phone was turned off cos it was in the police evidence locker when I was being questioned and even tho I got released without charge in the end, police came looking for me AGAIN cos Tone reported me MISSING! Apparently I am a "vulnerable person" or some shit cos of me being in care when I was a kid, which is why they checked on me even tho I'm over bloody 18! Then I called Tone and he had a massive go at me and then I started crying and said I'd had a shitty day cos of the landlord... He says he'll beat the landlord up so I have to persuede him NOT to do that... So Tone ends up coming over, picking me and my (undamaged) stuff up, then we trashed my flat to really show him. Now I'm at Tone's. Until I get myself sorted in a new place at least.

What's your week been like, then? Happy Tuesday!

Tuesday Blues

How is it Tuesday again already?! Urghhhh.

So a kind of last minute decision last week was that me and Tone were going to go to Reading. (I think Tone was swayed by Guns N Roses playing) I’ve got no idea who or where he got the tickets from and I was convinced they were fake until I actually got my wristband. To be quite honest, I was all festivalled out from Bestival, but I went along with it because the tickets were expensive and it meant my pink wellies got another summer outing (they’re sooooooo comfy LOL)

The weekend was going fairly well without any drama which was a relief. I know Reading can get a bit messy and once Tone is on the Special Brew (why?!) he’s a force to be reckoned with. I’d even managed to calm him down when he was mouthing off at the stewards when Guns N Roses got kicked off stage for playing too long; ‘NO NIC, IT AIN’T ALRIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO ROCK N ROLL?!’

But then the shit hit the fan on Saturday when our tent broke. I’m fairly sure that the wind knackered it, but Tone is convinced that ‘SOME DICKHEAD SMASHED IT IN.’

Either way, the tent wasn’t fit for sleeping in. I reasoned that we could sleep in the car, or keep raving until the morning when we could sleep on the grass, but neither suggestion went down well. So what did Tone do? He went and bloody stole a tent from somewhere further down the campsite. It kind of angered me and made me smile at the same time. It did mean though that I got to sleep somewhere dry for the night although Tone’s snoring was horrendous! LOL.

Reading was pretty good, (especially seeing Blink!) but I’m feeling the effects today after 4 nights on the vodka. Why do I have to work tonight, whyyy?!

The stolen tent.... LOL

Mardi

Not many people assume that I like going to the theatre. I guess the fact that I dance in a wig and bikini for a living doesn't help. But imagine Vivian in Pretty Woman when Edward takes her to the opera. That kind of happened to me when I was younger. I think we got taken on a school trip to see Romeo and Juliet, I was probably 14 or 15. I just fell in love with the whole world and emotion of the theatre and I hate that I don't get to go that much.

When I do get the night off and then when I do get the tickets, I always end up with the same problem - who do I take? I wouldn't mind going on my own, but then I do prefer the company.

I managed last night to get a couple of tickets for La Bête. Not only was I excited to see Joanna Lumley (who doesn’t love Ab Fab?!) but the guy from Frasier is in it too… ummmm Niles.

I was quite close to persuading Tone to come with me until he heard the title; ‘I’M NOT PAYING TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE SPEAK FRENCH ALL NIGHT. I COULD STAND ANYWHERE IN SOHO AND LISTEN TO A FOREIGN LANGUAGE IF I WANTED TO’

I bit my lip to stop the laughter and told him I’d go on my own. I thought that would guilt trip him but it didn’t. He started muttering on about some new LED sign for the shop front.

I rang Wing as a last resort but her phone was off and she didn’t return my calls. My only other option was Mavis – and let’s face it, that isn’t really an option LOL. She’s still just about getting over Friday 13^th. Bless her.

I decided to brave it and go on my own and on the way I treated myself to a slice of pizza from one of the street vendours.

When I got to the theatre I gave my ticket back and said that my partner couldn’t make it. I guess I don’t really fit in with the theatre crowd with how I dress but I don’t give a toss. The funny looks they give me make me smile.

I sat down with a massive bag of Minstrels wishing I’d got a drink (well, I was more wishing that the bar wasn’t so frigging expensive) when a dishy bloke took the seat next to me and handed me a glass. I thought he was being a bit rude asking me to hold his drink without asking, but once he’d taken his seat he turned and said, ‘THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SEAT. I HOPE YOU LIKE VODKA TONICS?’

I think I should visit the theatre more often!

Happy Mardi!

Writing Woes

OK, so I guess it must all be over submission-wise by now? I haven't heard anything - from anywhere - just a massive VOID OF SILENCE! Is this what it's like to be a writer?? LOLOLOL.

Dunno how people do it... for real, I mean. Just from the blogs I can see even really great writers getting down about all the rejection and stuff - actual people whose stuff I've seen on the telly! - so what chance do I have, a girl who left home at 14 with only one GCSE at C (English Lang! Not even Lit! hahaha), who now works in a peep show?? (Yes, yes, fill your boots - a peep show! And no I'm not posting piccies, alright???).

They say "write what you know" but I'm not sure what I know anymore than I know who *they* are. Besides anything, not too sure people would wanna hear my life story. (Though that being so what the hell am I writing this blog for??? LOL)

Oh I dunno. Just not feeling the love, been trying to write a new short film and it's just not working out. Largely cos I feel like I've seen it somewhere else and I might be copying someone else's idea! Hah! How do you work out what's original??

Fuck it, this post isn't really going anywhere... bit like my script?

How are you? What you up to? Maybe you can inspire me...

Happy Tuesday!

Sea, Sand and Special Brew

Bestival was pretty much my summer holiday for this year, and it was my first holiday in a hell of a long time. It's not like I have no money, (obvs I'm not minted else I'd be living in a castle somewhere) but Tone can't really leave work for more than one night at a time - he doesn't trust anyone else to run the place, that business is his baby, and I don't fancy heading off into the sun on my own. I'd go on a girls holiday, but Wing is a hard one to keep tamed in London, can you imagine what she'd be like in Shagaluf?!! LOL

It does make my tummy sink when I think about summer holidays though. Everyone's always off to Spain or Italy to soak up some rays with their other halves or with their families. My last family holiday was even longer ago than my last holiday. I got a bit sad earlier when Wing said she was going back to China for a few weeks to see her grandparents. I don’t tend to get het up about my lack of family very often. Living in London near Tone and Mavis is more than enough for me, but every so often I think of my first and only family holiday with my dad.

I think I was about 4 and dad obviously felt some guilt over not being there for me very much. He bundled me in the car and drove to Ilfracombe. It was such a hasty decision that he didn’t even pack my toothbrush or teddy bear.

The place wasn’t very glamorous but I didn’t care. It was freezing (well, it was mid-April) but I was desperate to make the most of being at the seaside so begged dad to buy me a bucket and spade and then an ice cream. I seem to remember my hands turning blue because it was so cold. That was just the way my dad rolled though, nothing ever seemed to be given much thought. He spent most of his time sitting and staring out at the sea chain smoking while I never tired of playing barefoot in the sand. I think we only stayed for 2 or 3 days, I can’t really remember.

We left early because dad had to get back home suddenly. I sensed even at that age that something wasn’t quite right with him. He’d tried to order another drink at the small bar at our motel, but they refused. Screaming and shouting he gave in, grabbed me from playing with my jigsaw and drove us home. It was one of the last times I saw him.

Still, I guess I can try and use my womanly charm to persuade Tone into taking me away. Failing that, I’ll have to deal with Wing’s drunken antics!

Bestival Bits & Bobs

OKKKKKKKK was gonna do a full run-down but TBH I got too mashed to remember EVERYTHING (I'm sorry OK! LOLOLOLOL). So here's the bits that do stick out:

- Takin SEVEN HOURS to get in and needin a wee like mad for at least 4 of em and Tone tellin me I shld keep off his Special Brew

- Guys in car in front in the Q kept jumping out and leaping across the car bonnet Starsky & Hutch style and switching who was driving (at about 2mph!)

- Pink bestival bands - bloke in Q in front of me: "I'm enjoying the pinkness of these wristbands, they're awesome" (yes he was already mashed goin in, LOL)

- A kid with flowers in her hair comes up to me when I'm drinking beer listening to Scroobious Pip on Friday, our conversation went like this...

KID: Hi. My name's River.

ME: That's a well-cool name.

KID: Yeah, my mum's a hippie.

ME: Did she tell you not to talk to strangers, too?

KID: Yeah. But you look alright.

Thanks!!! hahahahahaha - noticed she didn't talk to Tone tho!

- Bloke in next door tent didn't stop talking ALL NIGHT Friday!!! And was up at 6am!! And asked me for a frigging light for his fag!

- Met Lucy V and her well-cool family! And I was sick on Hub! (Only a little bit - LOL)

- Saw The Gruffalo. It was pure awesome sauce. Go and see it!

- Someone set off a bloody air raid siren Saturday night! Maybe. Or it could've been a dream

- Got well sketchy when I saw loads of witches and Shreks and even someone dressed as a wasp

- Sang ALL NIGHT LONG with some blokes in their pants (they were on stage tho)

- Saw Mr Tumble in the crowd at Madness, he gave me a hug! I LOVE HIM

- Bought some FAIRY WINGS!

- Lost Tone for 4 hours, saw that cook-bloke from River Cottage Hugh Fernly-Wittings signing books but I didn't have a book but he signed my arm! Awesome

- Chilled out to Mr Scruff but his little cartoons on his screens well freaked me out

- Tone brought the radios from the club, had many weird convos with mad peeps on the same channel, including this one:

GIRL ON RADIO: Hello, Ruby? Come in Ruby.

ME: That's me. What do you want? Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Where the hell have you been? Over.

ME: Around and about. What can I get ya? Ooops... Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: I've been looking all day for you! Over.

ME: Sorry. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Meet you by the circus tent, the baby wants you.

ME: Um, I don't have a baby. I think I'm the wrong Ruby. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Ruby, stop screwing around! I think he's hungry. Over.

ME: Seriously, I haven't got a baby. Try another Ruby. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: I'm going to kill you when I find you. OVER.

So if you're Ruby and you went off for a bit without your baby, SORRY! I made it 1000 times worse when you returned, LOLOLOLOL

- Finally, dropped my NEW Crackberry down the eco toilets. It's now a CRAPberry... BOOM BOOM

Had a well-wicked time, what did you get up to this weekend?

Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose, Mavis?

Generally, I find shopping for birthday presents a real chore. Usually I find something really pretty for myself and end up buying it instead. LOL.

So you can imagine I was well chuffed when I stumbled across a print of my favourite painting – Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose by John Singer Sargent. My usual reaction would be to buy it for myself, but I already have two prints and thought that it would make a perfect birthday present for Mavis as I’m always telling her about it and she seems to think it sounds lovely. So I buy this print from the flea market that I kinda walked in to (I had to tell Tone that the things you buy there don’t actually have fleas – LOL) and wrapped it up ready for her birthday.

I was so excited about giving it to her as I thought she’d love it. Mavis had other ideas though. Man, you should have seen her face!!!
She proper freaked out and ran (and I mean ran) and hid from it in the cupboard under her stairs. That’s the cupboard where she hides when anyone rings the doorbell after 3pm or if there happens to be thunder and lightning.
I had to bite my lip so I didn’t laugh at her.

Once she’d calmed down and I’d moved the print outside she told me that ‘the Chinese lanterns that glow give off bad omens and have a negative quality about them’ Course they do Mavis, course they do.

I asked Mavis what she wanted instead and her incredible reply was ‘CHRISTMAS PUDDING PLEASE’ Luckily, the Christmas shop at Selfridges opens next Monday so I should be able to sort her out. (YES, I KNOW THAT’S 145 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. THEY’RE MENTAL!)

In other news it’s ONLY 3 DAYS til me and Tone go to Bestival which I can’t freaaakiing wait for.
And a note for the TFL people – STOP MESSING WITH THE TUBES. IT’S DOING MY HEAD IN.

KthanksBye. LOL.

Stoned

Hahahahahahaha no I'm not like that thangyewverymuch, I'm a nice girl. I'm off to see a BAND called "Stoned" tonight... they're a Rolling Stones cover band and they're headed up by my good mate Si. He has the hips Mick Jagger WISHES he still had, LOLOLOL.

In other news, I'm off to the awesomeness Camp Bestival in JUST ELEVEN DAYS -- can't wait!!! Tricky is there and he is total wickedness on a stick. Not bad looking, either. There's also that cook guy off the telly that's always going on about chickens and those insect people from the phone ad. You know the ones (!!). There's loadsa other stuff too.

I'm just really looking forward to getting out of LONDON -- can't remember last time I set foot out the Capital, feels like YEARS. Probably was!!! In fact, I think the furthest I got was last year's Reading fest!!! Camp Bestival is at a castle and it looks really cool... Tone is even coming with me! He got his cuz Alan to look after the club and everything. Reckon we're gonna have an ace time.

Girl's Night Out

I decided to arrange a girls night last night after Tone had pissed me off so much last week. I felt a bit bad for getting so wound up at him and so thought a night out would help me let it all out and help me wind down. That had been what I was expecting from our Saturday night together anyway.

Wing is one of my mates from work. She’s a part timer and is only working for Tone to help pay her college fees. She pays through the nose to study here. She’s not even that clever I don’t think, so she’s just going to be poorer after 4 years of working in a scummy part of London.

Anyway, for some reason Wing chose Patricia as her English name which always makes me giggle. I prefer to call her Wing but her clients refer to her as Patricia.

Wing came over to mine after we’d managed to arrange the same night off. I’d fancied making a bit of an effort so I got some fizzy Lambrini (obvs the pink one) got us both some false lashies, and used my afternoon to make yummy voddy jellies.

I should have realised that eating vod-jells for dinner would lead to a very messy night. Wing came over about 6 and we started getting glammed up. We don’t bother very often because its a bit like a bus man’s holiday if ya get me, but with Tone out at work, I had no one to tell me that THAT DRESS IS TOO SEXY ON YOU – I’M NOT LETTING YOU OUT IN THAT WITHOUT ME – TOO MANY PERVES OUT THERE. TOO MANY WANDERING HANDS AND EYES IN LONDON.

It was nice and liberating to pick my fave bum skimming pink dress. I just had to ban Wing from taking her camera out.

After drinking (read: downing) 4 bottles of Lambrini and munching all of the voddy jelly, we hit the tiles.

Messy part of the night 1) started when we struggled to get let into the club with Wing’s ID. She’d put a cute wig on for the night and with all her make up ended up looking nothing like her ID picture. After fluttering our false eyelashes we were still outside and so I whispered in the bouncer’s ear that I was going out with Tone. That seemed to do the trick.

Messy part of the night 2) VodBulls were on offer – 4 for £10. So I bought 8 That would be messy enough but then managed to throw one down me. LOL.

Messiest part of the night. 3) I was propping the bar up like a trooper and guarding our drinks while Wing was in the loo. Some guy came over to me and asked me if I knew Patricia. I thought he was chatting me up so I ignored him. When he followed me I moved away until I started to get a bit freaked out. I started shouting at him and then pushed him away from me. I obvs then got thrown out which is when I realised he was on about Wing. 2 minutes later while I was still trying to find my phone, Wing was carried out by a bouncer and dumped on the floor next to me.

I don’t really remember getting home.

The hangover is chronic today.

Love & Marriage

I'm an old fashioned girl. I guess my life has been so up and down, I have to be - else I'd go raving mad. When I was in care and hiding my stuff in plastic bags in the toilet sisterns to stop Minging Michelle from getting em I'd think about the perfect life I'd have when I grew up. A big white wedding, obv. Maybe a dog or cat at first, perhaps two years later we'd have our first baby. Followed by a second? Maybe. (I don't really fancy the stretchmarks and leaky boobs). I'd be a housewife though I always thought that was a stupid job title - married to a house?? He would be something clever like a teacher or lawyer or whatever and when he came home at night our kid would be like, "Daddy!" and he'd pick him up and swing him round. I even had a name picked out - Daniel. I did think about Mick cos I love The Stones so much but even I am not cruel enough to land a little baby with a name that sounds like he should be a builder, LOL.

So anyway the point of all this. Tone and I had a Saturday night off, just the two of us. That hardly EVER happens in our jobs and the last saturday we had off was a disaster (a very huge bust up in Oxford Street ended with him running off with my handbag and leaving me stranded; yes he's an arse but I was also pissed out of my tiny mind and shreeking like a banshee, so 50/50... alright, 60/40). Anyway, anyway: I was well looking forward to THIS saturday, I figured we would go out or something. Earlier in the week I ask where Tone wants to go and he says we're staying in, he's got something special planned. I was uber-pleased, I hadn't even had to ask him or ANYTHING and technically the football is still on isn't it, so I had figured Tone might want to watch that instead. So I make sure I got something nice to wear - you know what I mean - and wait for Saturday night.

So you can guess what a disappointment it was to find out Tone's BIG SURPRISE was a Wii Fit thing. He gets some geezer to deliver it to the flat - knockoff probably - and brings it in, like TA-DA, Saturday evening. He even says he got it FOR ME cos I'm getting a bit tubby round the thighs. CHARMING. When I say I never wanted a bloody computer game, he says, "It's not a computer game, IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE."

OK I should probably have stopped there but he's already told me I"m fat and now he's saying I'm thick or something, so I totally lose it. I start going off on one, saying he never takes me seriously and I helped him build up his business, maybe I should just leave -- in fact maybe I should just leave HIM, he's never gonna give me what I want?? Then says, well what do you want? And I say I wanna get married and have babies and not slide up and down a frigging pole all day. Tone gets well mad and says my job pays well and I don't even slide up and down a frigging pole, it's FRIGGING PEEP SHOW and it's his business and he's proud of it and if I'm so embarrassed by him and the club I SHOULD just leave.

And so now I'm at Mavis'.

Happy Tuesday (sigh).

Mothering Tuesday

Apparently it was Mother’s Day in Kenya at the weekend. One of those weird facts that come up on the MSN homepage when you sign out. I don’t really have a Mother’s Day. I have a Mavis Day instead. Mavis really does deserve a day of her own.

So I decided I would take Mavis out to celebrate Mavis Day. There isn’t a set date for her day, but I quite like June when it’s hot in the evening. I promised I’d take her out as a surprise. It has to be a surprise or else she’d come up with a reason not to go. I tried to take her to ASK a couple of years ago as she likes pizza, but she wouldn’t go because she ‘didn’t want to go to a restaurant that sounded like she was going to be interrogated.’ LOL

So this year I surprised her and found a pretty cool pudding restaurant not too far into town. I can’t get Mavis into central London, for some reason she thinks they’ll never let her back out to Dollis Hill.

Anyway, I’m a chocolate girl so I needed no excuse to go to this pudding parlour place.

When we arrived, Mavis looked pretty excited which was a relief. I had worried that she would walk out. We looked at the menu and having chosen the biggest, most chocolate filled dessert on the menu the waitress came over all dressed up in a cute 50’s dress.

I ordered my chocolate extravaganza and then the waitress asked Mavis what she wanted to eat; ‘Ermm, I think I’ll have the proftiteroles.’

I had to giggle once I’d corrected her, and told the waitress that she did in fact want profiteroles.

You gotta love her, Happy Mother Tuesday Mavis!

It's Not Rocket Science

Why can nobody do their job in the world?

Seriously. If more people actually thought about what their doing, they might actually do it properly. OK not me cos all I have to do is dance, but I'm talking about people who look at computers and stuff, I mean how hard is it to read stuff of a screen???

Like, this morning. I call the gym to book a class called Dance Jam - it's like aerobics except the instructor well fancies herself and does all these moves where she imagines she's in a music video and we muppets have to go along with her.

But back to booking. It goes like this:

NIKKI ON PHONE (that's me by the way, Ruby is my nickname): Hello, I'd like to book Dance Jam for tonight at 6, please.

[It's not rocket science, I reckon I was pretty clear with that.]

SECRETARY ON PHONE: Dance Jam? Sorry we don't do that class.

NIKKI: I think you do, I've been coming to it every Tuesday for the last six months.

SECRETARY: Hang on a sec.

[She puts phone down, much rustling. Picks it up again]

SECRETARY: I just checked the class timetable. You're right, we do that class.

[I know!!]

NIKKI: So can I book for six tonight?

SECRETARY: Are you a member?

NIKKI: Yes. My names Nicola Tuesday. Like the day of the week.

SECRETARY: OK...

[Some tapping on a computer]

SECRETARY: Oh how funny, we already have a Nicola Tuesday booked. There must be two of you. Small world, isn't it?

[Then I remember]

NIKKI: Actually that must be me and I've forgotten I've booked.

SECRETARY: Oh. Right.

Okay, technically I should have remembered I had already booked but MAN! That was one dumb secretary. Maybe I should write my script about that... Except then the secretary at the gym will find out and get me somehow, possibly when I'm in the showers and she could nick all the stuff out my locker including my underwear. OK I've thought about that too much.

Happy Tuesday!

Trying to be creative and writery.

So I’ve been trying to think of some ideas for writing an entry for the Red Planet Prize. Whenever I think of the Red Planet Prize I think of Mars Planets and then I think of Mars bars in general and then I sit and stare at the blank page dreaming of chocolate. This writing business will make me fat!

I should try harder to be serious. Maybe I should channel my past a bit and talk about being in care. I sure as hell have enough to say on that.

For the most part, my past is blurry. I don’t like to talk about what happened too much, but my dad died when I was 5. He took one swig too many from the whiskey bottle and I ended up in care. I don’t blame him though, life dealt him a bad hand, and he loved me to the moon and back. I spent a lot of time wondering ‘Why me?’ Life changed after that, I spent time flitting between children’s homes and a couple of foster families. I don’t remember much from the homes, but certain things stick out. I remember the garish clowns and cartoons painted on the walls, I remember that my bedroom was bright yellow in one home, and I remember hiding the hair clips that my dad had bought for me on a day trip to the seaside, so that no one would steal them.

The homes weren’t bad places, they just lacked continuity for me and I never felt as though I fitted in. I stayed with one foster family (Beryl and Eric) but ended up back at the home after only a couple of weeks. I never found out why I had to move back. I stayed with another foster family after that. I stayed for a bit longer but again ended up back at the home. I didn’t get on with their other daughter. I remember hearing something about her being jealous of me. I don’t think anyone’s ever been jealous of me since.

But that’s when Mavis saved me. She was definitely a little less loopy when she took me in. Still, even then she did things in her own unique way. She has a strange aversion to wax crayons that meant I never got to use them at home. She also never made me sandwiches for school, but instead liked to make me cakes and bowls of fruit. I very quickly got moved onto hot dinners by my teachers! As far as I’m concerned though, Mavis is the mother figure in my life, and I like to think I get my ditzy side from her.

I am the God of Hellfire and I bring you...

I've been reading blogs for a long time, I guess I thought it would be easy to write one myself. Only it turns out it's as difficult as writing a short story or film script. I've been reading some books and stuff, everyone seems to say different things. I'm beginning to think Lucy had the right idea using McKee to put out her husband's hair when he set it alight with fire poi. Almost as good as the time my mate Steve set his beard alight drinking Sambuca in that old disused church... My other friend Wing Hun HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BIBLE (actually it mighta been a prayer book, but bible sounds funnier). Totally knocked him out. Put the fire out, too.

So... anyway. I found this if anyone's interested: The Red Planet Prize. Sounds fun. Might enter. Though not sure I could write 6 pages, never mind 60. LOL

Welcome To My Blog...

... Anybody out there?

Tumbleweed....

Hellooooooo?

More tumbleweed...

Hi, I'm Nicola - except all my friends call me Ruby. 'Cos my surname is Tuesday. YES IT IS MY REAL SURNAME. People have *way* weirder ones, seriously.

Um, a little about myself... I'm 22, I'm a dancer... Yes, *that* type of dancer, but I'm gonna get out of soon. Just as soon as I figure out how to make some money. Doing other things. Like writing and filmmaking. In the meantime I gotta shake that booty, LOL.

So, who're you?