Spice Girls

Shitty week this week. Noticed some bad vibes flying all over the interwebs too, people all seem to be having rubbish times atm. Boo! January, get lost. Gonna celebrate the end of the month with... MY BIRTHDAY. Yes! Can't believe I'm *nearly* 25. Well, that's 2 years away but you know what I mean - I'M ALMOST A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. That makes me feel depressed cos I thought I'd have done more stuff by now. Well I've done plenty of *stuff*, but BETTER STUFF, you know what I mean. I thought I'd have made more of myself. :(

I know why I'm in a mood of course - some new tart at the club, calls herself MARIKA (sounds like an indian spice to me, LOL) but her real name is Julia Spannings, saw it on her driving license when she left her purse in the dressing room. God that surname must have been a real curse at school, HAHA! But you should see her: fake-tits-a-rama, bet they cost a pretty penny. Seriously, she can lie down and her nipple tassels STILL point at the ceiling! (In case your wondering, it au naturale for me, taverymuch! AND ALWAYS WILL). So she's got a well-fit (surgically enhanced) body, but at least her face is dog ruff. But then that never did Jodie Marsh any harm. Sigh. And of course Tone is ALL OVER HER like a bad rash, even put her name up on the posters and bumped me back to window 2. Tosser.

Still, no matter - can do better than him anyway and better than this dive of a club. Decided I'm going to do some kind of correspondence course, maybe one in writing. Thought about getting a new job again but then I won't have as much time for writing cos I'll have to work twice as much to get the same money. Plus some of these courses are expensive! So, the plan: get some experience, get some drafts done instead of talking about em. 2011 is where its at!

Oh - and 31st January I'm ALL OVER THIS TOWN baby, gonna pull someone fiiiiiiiiiiiine! Think I deserve it. Last fella I slept with was bloody Tone anyway, about three months ago, even though we were supposed to be split (I knowIknowIknow). And the guy before that was that desperate student, whateverhisnamewas. CAN DO BETTER.

Happy Tuesday!!!

The Joys of Online Dating...

Crikey. Nearly missed posting a blog this week. I thought it was bleedin’ Monday still! So yea, been pretty busy this last week, finally getting the decorations down (yea, yea, I know there’s meant to be 12 days of Christmas, but who cares? – Fairy lights are pretty LOL) and generally sorting my life out a little bit. I also treated myself to Final Draft over the festive season, and so I’ve been playing around with that, trying to work it all out. Makes me feel a bit like a pro!

As I’ve been spending time at my computer so much, I thought I’d check in again with that internet dating site I signed up to. I thought I might get some spam so I linked it up to an old email address and forgot all about it. Geeeeee whizzz, I thought I’d turned really popular when I logged in, 217 emails?! But apparently people have been ‘liking’ my profile on the dating site, and leaving me some seriously crude messages. I thought they filtered that kind of filth?! Honestly, I feel better and safer in the club – at least I have Tone there to watch my back!

So I went through them all as best as I could and as a Tuesday night treat, have listed my top three below for you:

From BIGBOI86: Hey sugatits, you sound cute. Send me a pic yea?

(charming eh?!)

From: DannyC: Aren’t you tired? You’ve been running through my head all night…

(People STILL use these lines?!)

From: MrCharming: Hey baby, we should hook up some time. We’d set the night on fire.

(Just vommed a little bit in my mouth)

My main fun this week has been deleting all of these messages, oh and I replied to one….

To: BIGBOI86: Sorry honey, I don’t date guys with dicks the size of peanuts….

My account on this particular dating site is no longer available.

Hope you’ve had a good week.

Happy Tuesday!

Happy New Year!

OMG WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE! Lost my phone over christmas - yes I'm a menace when it comes to phones I know - but as it goes it didn't matter anyhoo cos I only went and bloody forgot all my logins to everything! I STILL haven't got into my email either, so if you sent me any emails in last four or five weeks I'm SO SORRY, I can't read em! Better to tweet me or Facebook me, TBH. Such a scatterbrain as Mavis says - charming, hey! And coming from her, too! Cheek.

Christmas was interesting. As you may recall I got bloody Tone for secret Santa at work. Well, anyway I decided upon the Hollyoaks calendar for him. You should have seen his face when he opened it – hahahaha. The excitement when he saw some fit topless girls, but then the devastation when he saw inside that I’d cut out ALL OF THE BOOBS!! LOL.

But the bastard got his own back on me by putting me in Window 4 all week and forcing me to wear a Santa bikini. It has fur trim and everything. I wouldn’t mind it being red, but the fur and matching Santa hat really annoy me. It’s not as nice as the Santa dress the other girls get to wear. Mind you, I got lucky because the heating was on the blink and the snow meant it wasn’t very busy. Tone had to send us all home in the end.

Me and Wing decided to go to a Christmassy market. Loads of mulled wine (Gluewine or something in German – I hope it’s not actually made of Copydex or something LOL) and some of that German spicy sausage later (no jokes please) and we were loving being in the Christmas spirit. We did think about hitting the tiles, but we knew we’d probably fall over, so we went back to my flat, drank some more wine and watched Elf and Love Actually. And then went down the police station cos of my bloody lost fone - booooo!

Christmas itself was ok - it's never "good" cos Mavis' brother Phill went and died on Xmas Eve (I never knew him) so she goes a bit funny. This year she set the table for seven (it was just her and me) and was talking to people who weren't even there. I called the mental health team who said to leave her to it if she wasn't hurting herself or me or getting upset. Gotta be honest, whoever the invisible guy was at the table must have been BRILLIANT at telling jokes or something, cos Mavis was laughing her head off. It kind of made me smile and made me sad at the same time.

After Christmas though she was more of her normal self - well as normal as she gets... She still had me going on cat patrol around her damn garden, lol. Haven't seen her for a couple of days, got a text today saying simply BRING CREME EGGS. So that's me sorted this evening, then - got the night off. Better not forget the creme eggs!

Happy New Year Tuesday!

x