Cold Feet

No, not the tv programme, although I kind of wish that was what I was blogging about instead. (I seem to remember that programme being pretty good actually)

But I’m on about the date I went on with Tone. And things with Tone in general.

It wasn’t disasterous or anything like that, it just didn’t feel right, you know? We kind of like, didn’t click? And if felt like a bit of a wasted effort.

After my dull week, I decided to treat myself to a new dress for the occasion and ended up going all out on a dress from Topshop that was far too expensive for what it is, but far too pretty to leave on the hanger in the shop. (Added bonus was that of the 2 sizes I tried on, the smaller one was the one that fitted. LOL!) Was a bit annoyed that whilst on my way to work the following night, I saw 3 girls wearing it, but then that’s the curse of TopShop isn’t it?

So I made a proper effort. I’d got this cute flowery tea dress and I had a nice long hot shower (did necessary hair removal – but ONLY to make me feel better about myself – NOT for what you’re all thinking) and blow dried my hair etc.

Also ended up buying a nail varnish for £8 or something obscene in TopShop but it was the perfect colour match for my dress. So I painted my fingers and toes too. I was feeling v sexy and v good about myself before I left, and I just had a little shot of vodka to calm the butterflies in my tummy.

Tone picked me up and said I looked pretty, and then asked if my dress ‘WAS ON SALE OR SOMETHING?’ because he’d seen loads of girls wearing it. Oh.

But anyway, aside from that, we were exchanging the necessary small talk on the way to the restaurant.

Tone had decided to take me somewhere new, and when we got there, they’d lost our reservation. So we had to wait 10 minutes for a table. That didn’t put Tone in the best of moods. I tried to calm him down and reassure him everything was okay, but I just was flooded with memories of his aggression and how that was the thing I had wanted to escape. When I looked him in the eye his eyes didn’t look quite right, so I reckon he might have done a cheeky line of something. I can’t be sure, and I didn’t want to ask, but that’s the Tone that I don’t want to be with.

He did calm down a bit, and conversation kind of flowed again, but I held back quite a lot and realised that wasn’t what I was there for.

I made my excuses before dessert as it just got uncomfortable. I hope Tone didn’t beat anyone up or get in trouble when I left, I could see in his eyes he was angry.

I got myself some pudding on the way home and snuggled up on the sofa in my pj’s with a romcom. Tone called a few times when I got home, but I ignored them. I really don’t think he’s right for me at the moment.

Heart vs Head

Yet again I know what you’re all going to say, but don’t think I’m not tormented enough already. Yes it involves Tone, and yes it potentially involves me seeing him outside of work. Shoot me now!

After last week when I was feeling low, this weekend didn’t bring me much more in the way of happiness. (Felt crap, had ‘girl pains’, ate loads of chocolate, watched Comic Relief, cried at the sad bits with the poor kids, ate more chocolate, and then ordered Chinese take out at stupid o’clock in the night. Oh, and then ate the leftovers for breakfast. Can I just say that I did attempt a jog on Sunday morning to make up for it, but I was out of breath by the end of the road – typical me, LOL)

ANYWAY, so I went to work yesterday morning after a crap weekend and when I went back to my locker at the end of the night there was a pink card inside (I’m presuming he’d slid it in the side – little bit freaky lol) which said ‘WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER ON THURSDAY NIGHT?’ TONE x’

So my heart skipped a beat a bit as I tried to work out what to do. I tried to find him at the club but for some reason I couldn’t, and I don’t have his number anymore because I deleted it. So I took the card home with me and stared at it for a while (whilst I ate another bar of Dairy Milk – it helps with decision making ok?) and tried to decide what to do.

I decided I should write him back because he wrote to me. And I finally decided to put, ‘That would be lovely. Thank you.’

Did I do the right thing? It’s just dinner. Friends have dinner all the time right? Other friends would go for dinner with me? Wouldn’t they?

Argh. Happy Tuesday.

Picnics and Peanut Butter

Ok, ok, I know what you’re all going to say, especially all you Tweeters out there, but I’ve been feeling a bit down this week. It’s been really sunny (still bloody nippy when you forget your cardy lol) and I’ve been thinking about summer and picnics and nice things to do when it’s warm, Only thing is, all of them seem bloody boring by myself. I was walking past Hyde Park (felt a bit adventurous!) and saw a couple having a carpet picnic – you know, the kind where you’re defying the fact that it’s still actually March but the sun’s out and you don’t care?! So you take extra blankets to make up for it! Anyway, I saw this couple and it reminded me of being with Tone, and how he’d always make silly frivlous (sp?) decisions like buying a bottle of £50 fizz to take to the park with sarnies from M&S. LOL. Thing is, and I know you’re all going to shout me down, especially you @Bang2write, but I do miss him quite a bit. It’s hard being alone after being with him for so long, and grabbing a Sub of the day is nowhere near as fun as boozy picnics. Might see if he wants to go for a drink sometime for a bit of a catch up, mind you, if he puts me on window 3 again this week then I’ll be taking that back!

Have a good week! Xxx

P.S. Yea, yea, I know it’s a few hours late but I was preoccupied with the tele and a jar of peanut butter – I ate the LOT with a spoon! LOL

Okkkkkkkkkkk....

... So I went on the date.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. Totally appreciated the warnings in particular... if it wasn't me I'd probably have said exact same thing... but then cos it WAS me, I'd have always wondered if I should of gone. It was a tough one! But I took Wing with me in the end, so nobody had to worry, least of all me.

And as it goes, I needn't of worried anyway cos guess what... My mystery date was Tone! Thats one guy I DO know pretty intimately, LOL. At least I thought I did... flowers and dresses and dates?? I was pretty wierded out and when I first saw him I was kind of disappointed, I never really thought it could be him. Like a whole new side to him. I almost took one look and walked out with Wing again, but something made me go over to the table even though Wing was like, "lets go". She's in a mood with me right now but she'll get over it.

So anyway: I had a meal with him and Tone was really interested in me for once and actually asking me about my life and stuff. He said he knows he sees me at work all the time but he wants to actually get to know me, for real. He even said sorry for all the shit before and all that crap with Paprika/Marika recently trying to make me jealous.

He said he's changed.

He's said that before of course... but then I've never put my foot down like I have the last six months or so. Always before we'd argue and he'd be like, "sorry" and I'd be "oh alright then" and we'd struggle on like we did before. But this time I made a break and showed him I could survive on my own and he could go stick it up his arse. He said that made him think. He said he's underestimated me and he'd never do that again.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

On the plus side, the meal was lush. I had this wierd green asparagus soup thing with an egg to start, then a steak with peppercorn sauce, then Eton Mess. Yum! I also drank a bottle and a half of wine. Well, Tone was paying and hes's flush, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh and by the way - just so you know: NOTHING HAPPENED. Tone didn't even try his luck. Got me a taxi after the meal and kissed me on the cheek, like a gentleman. Didn't want to come back with me, didn't go for a snog and didn't even hassle me to call him. Yesterday at work he was nice, but didn't push anything, wasn't in my face at all. I just don't know what to think - never seen this side of him. Ever.

So that was Saturday! And today's Tuesday again... lots of thinking to do. Have a good one!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Okay, so I got some flowers last week. Which was nice. But this week??

A DRESS.

That's right! A dress! I still can't quite believe it. I went into the cafe for my Monday night hot choc and I'd be lieing if I said I wasn't *hoping* he (whoever he is) might've left something for me, cos I was. But I figured it might be a card or a note or even a photo or something.

But instead, the waitress comes over with a face like a smacked arse - haha you shoulda seen her she was so jealous! - with one of those fancy boxes from department stores and dumps it in front of me and stalks off without a word. Later she said she hadn't seen who left it, but I wasn't sure she was telling the truth. Maybe I can ask her again later.

Anyway: inside the box was like, layers and layers of tissue paper and inside the most gorgeous dress you ever seen! Expensive one, too, didn't even recognise the label it was that fancy, certainly wasn't New Look or Dottie P's, LOLOLOL. And with the dress was a note, saying to meet him at a restaurant in town this saturday, table's booked for 8pm! And to wear the dress!

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

I was well-impressed and still sort of am, but now I'm starting to worry... but meeting a stranger is OK in a public place, isn't it? Loads of people meet people off the internet on those dating sites and there's gotta be more weirdoes on those than in real life, right? I showed the dress to Wing and she didn't seem very cool with it, she said it was creepy to get a dress from somebody you don't know who obviously knows you... and I hadn't thought of it like that before. Then she said, "What if it's Tone who sent the dress?" but I know it CAN'T be him, he'd never do something like this, his idea of foreplay is buying me a few Babychams, HAHA!

But she's right that this guy must've seen me about, he even got my dress size right! What if it's a punter from the club? What if that's oddball that comes in on Mondays?! Ick. He really is creepy. Or maybe I'm being unkind. Maybe he only comes into the club cos he's lonely - and we all know how that feels!!!

I'M SO CONFUSED.

I suppose I could just see how I feel Saturday night. He didn't leave a number or email or anything for me to cancel either, so I'd feel bad not going AT ALL... Maybe I should go at 8pm, say thanks very much and then leave? Argh! This bit never happens in the movies!!! What would YOU do?

Oh - and happy tuesday x