Nothing to see here

... So move along now.

That's right, nothing, nada... nowt.

Well except a few things: I saw a green poodle in the park. Yes, it was actually green. Apparently it was in a TV ad, it's owner said. Or maybe it was one of those things they put on between the adverts on BBC1 and 2 or something? So watch out for that. (And don't worry about the poodle being green, it was a special dye... non-licky or something).

Tone's good. He got a new tattoo on Friday. I'm pretending I know what it is. Apparently it's another language, but looks like a squiggly picture to me. It's quite large and on his moob. EXCEPT HE DOESN'T HAVE MOOBS, HE HAS PECS! (LOLOLOLOL).

Oh and Wing broke up with Fabian. Then got back with him. They were broken up for thirty nine minutes and 27 seconds. The time it takes her to get from The Club, to the kebab shop, to her flat, basically.

So there you go.

But otherwise: life's great! Hope your's is too.

Happy Tuesday xxx

Nothing To Report

Sun is shining, life is great, Tone is great, everything's great!

Even Mavis is only scoring 3-4 on the Wierd-O-Meter (that's out of ten, normally I'd say she was a 5-6). Me and Tone went round hers Sunday dinnertime and she ACTUALLY COOKED. That's rite... not warm up something in the microwave! She hadn't used the oven in so long it went all smoky and odd and we ended up getting Chinese anyway but she did try and thats what counts!

Tone is talking about going to Camp Bestival again but I think I'd like to steer clear of everywhere we went *before* if you know what I mean. Make some new memories in new places. I'd like to go to some little place near a beach thats dead quiet and read books and eat seafood. I told Tone this sure he'd be like, "What are you nuts" but he actually said "Why not?" OK so he's not OOBER-KEEN (sp??) or anything but I can hardly blame him, I'd probably not of been six months ago and he's trying too. I have a vague memory of going to Devon with my Dad when he was still alive yeeeeeeeeeeeears ago when I was a little girl, maybe we could try that?

Hope your great too. Happy Tuesday!

The One

Wing Hun said you "just know" when you've found The One. She goes out with a bloke called Fabian at the moment - no joke, who calls their kid Fabian??? How can you look at a TINY LITTLE BABY and say, "Ah yes, the perfect name for him is FABIAN"!!! It sounds like some kind of Laura Ashley line... "The FABIAN collection... complete with drapes, soft furnishings, candles, scents....!" YIKES!

Where was I? Oh yeah. Wing says you just know. She reckons she knew with Fabian when he took her to this posh restaurant and she said she'd rather have a kebab. He didn't bat an eyelid apparently and they ran out on the bill and he got her this massive kebab out in Streatham with chilli AND cheese on AS WELL. With a Dandelion and Burdock to wash it down. That's gotta be love, right? To Wing, anyway... She loves kebabs and D&B!! How the hell is she a size 8?? LOLOLOLOL (and NO, I know whatcha thinking: dancing & laxatives & zillions of trips to the loo to chuck it all back up! No way! : P ).

TBH I always thought Wing Hun bought into all that crap from the magazines she reads and all those Mills And Boon novels. She's always got her head in one of those at work. Once she even did a peep show a reading an article from CLOSER she left on the floor at her feet, LOL. And even when I was with Tone the first time around I still didn't really get it... He never seemed to care for me 100% or even care as much about me as I did him... but that was then.

Maybe our time apart did him some good or he finally grew up - who knows - but I had a moment like Wing Hun said at the weekend. I was in the bath at his and he didn't come in getting all lairy saying he wanted to soap me up or anything like that like he might of a year ago. Instead he comes in with a towel for me. And it's a new one. And it's pink. So I say:

"Didn't know you liked pink."

And he replies, "I bought it for you to keep here, you daft mare."

That's when I knew he was The One. Who says romance is dead, hey?! hahahaha.

Happy Tuesday!

x

Home

Mavis is home! Me and Tone picked her up day before yesterday. She kept called tone Dermot for some reason, but otherwise shes back to her normal self (and when I say normal, OK I mean wierd, but wierd-normal, not WIERDWIERDWIERD like the other week!).

Tone has been well good about it all. We went over to her house before we went to get her and cleaned up, made sure all the bad stuff was gone... there was spinach and ricotta cannelloni on the hall carpet that WOULD NOT COME OUT so we went to the factory shop in town and got this well nice new rug to cover it up, it has a giant daisy in the middle. Mavis saw it and started crying! So sweet.

We got her a new fish tank as well full of Nemos and Dorys and even this underwater snail thing, it's so cool, I know someone who would approve!!! We named him George. Mavis wasn't quite as keen, said he kept looking at her funny but I told her to keep him under watch and if he starts anything I'll be round to pick him up. I can always put him in a tank back at mine.

Before she got back we had a little clear out of all the uber poisonous stuff just in case like the shake n' vac (obv) and replaced them with those natural cleaning products like white vinegar and stuff, it was Tone's idea, hes so responsible now. Mavis was only in the hospital five minutes but managed to come back with one of those french knitting needle things like these, she's making loads of giant wool sausages. She reckons shes going to make a cardigan but I don't really see how cos it just goes on and on and on and on but whatever makes her happy.

Tone dropped a bit of a bombshell last night! Reckons I should move back in to his, says I been at his four nights out of seven anyway.... Hes got a point but at the same time I've really liked having my own place and I dunno if I want to give that up yet, even for him. And I said that to him, thats how far we've moved on... I wondered if he'd go ballistic about it or start whining at me saying I can't love him or stuff like that, but he didn't! He said whenever I felt ready was cool with him. Hes like a different guy, he really is.

Anyway... suppose I better go to work, I'm on lates! There's some stag do on which always means great tips, tho TBH I can do without the lechy blokes. Still need a new job! But then some things never change... LOL.

Happy Tuesday!

x

Easter Madness

You know how you're always ill when it's a bank holiday? Just cos all the doctors are closed you go and get a a raging sore throat and temperature, or cystitus or whatever.

And of course this one was a double bank hol, so Mavis decided to really go to town. I went over on Easter saturday for our usual lunch - microwave spinach and ricotta canelloni, but with a huge selection of Easter Eggs - and there she is in just her knickers, doing the vaccuuming, like its completely normal. Turns out she's been putting shake n' vac in the tropical fish tank too cos they're all DEAD, even her fave orange Nemo fish.

I wasn't too phazed at first cos if you remember she was quite strange over Christmas too, talking to people who weren't there and stuff. But her bro Phill died at Christmas years ago so it's a bit of a trigger for her (I never met him) and when I called the Mental Health Crisis Team they told me to ring back only if she threatened to harm herself or others, or wanted to come in HERSELF and talk to them. I got quite annoyed at the time cos I reckoned they should of come out anyway, but thinking about it later I suppose it makes sense - even if you're mental you're still a person and its not right for doctors to come out and just TAKE YOU AWAY if you're not actually hurting anyone, thats what they did in the old days of course and look what happened there! Lots of people locked away and shoved in ice baths and getting their brains fried with electric. Nice. Not.

So I persuaded Mavis to put some clothes on (she's got a tattoo on her boob! I never knew that) and she was back microwaving stuff like there was no tommorrow. I decided not to mention the fish. While she was "cooking" I figured I could move the tank - it's only a small one - to out the back where she wouldn't see it: my plan was - get some new fish when the shops open.

BIG MISTAKE.

Mavis came back in, saw the fish tank was gone IMMEDIATELY. She wanted to know where I'd taken it and why. I tried to explain she'd accidentally killed the fish but she was having none of it. She reckoned I killed them! She said some really horrible things to me, like I was always trying to kill the fish and it was my fault all the cats kept coming in the garden. It was really upsetting. Anyway she ended up throwing me out of the house and the spinach and ricotta canneloni after me, which woulda been quite funny if the bloody stuff hadn't splashed on my arm and it was still hot and IT REALLY HURT.

So I'm crying by this point and Mavis is in her house still yelling at me to get away from the front door. The neighbours are all out by this point cos loads of em are having BBQs and some of them are being real idiots, laughing at her, which makes me yell at them, so I look crazy as well! There was one nice woman - she must be new on the road cos I'd never seen her before - and she said she'd talk to Mavis and see if she could calm her down while I call the Crisis Team. I'm just about to and my mobile rings and it's TONE - I answer and he's like, "Why are you crying, I'm coming round to Mavis' right now" and suddenly he's there and a mental health nurse and a social worker and ALL SORTS and all these people are staring at poor Mavis who's now out on the lawn and SHRIEKING about her dead fish and waving a mop around like it's a light saber.

Anyway to cut a long story short, Mavis consented to treatment and went off with the Crisis Team. They're not keeping her in forever or anything like that, it's voluntary, they reckon she should be back in a few days. I told them she didn't mean to burn me with the canneloni.

Tone was really nice though, a real gent. He took me back to my flat so I could change my canneloni spattered clothes and didn't even try it on anything. Then he took me out to a few bars so I could drown my sorrows. Woke up with him of course on Easter Sunday, but I didn't freak out, it felt right somehow. So that was something - shitty weekend otherwise!!!

Hope yours was better! Happy Tuesday x

Meh x 2

I'm okay... just meh.

Keep thinking about Tone and me. He's backed off totally - had expected him to be full-on like before, but he's cool. Well, not cool... He's perfectly nice. But it's like last week never happened... or was a dream or something. Really weird.

Work is a pain in the arse at the moment, we're run of our feet. Paprika went and left suddenly last wednesday and all her regulars are up in arms, especially this one guy, Brian who says his heart is broken! I mean WTF? a) she's just a dancing girl and b) she's made of 90% plastic anyway and has all the personality of a wet sponge. Tone asked me to try and talk her round, which I did, but TBH I probably didn't try to hard. She was always causing a ruck at work, saying the rest of us were fat and the like. I mean, it's not needed is it?!

Anyway FOOD is calling... cheese and onion pasty I think, followed by Cadbury's Dairy Milk... Only thing for days like this!

x

Okkkkkkkkkkk....

... So I went on the date.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. Totally appreciated the warnings in particular... if it wasn't me I'd probably have said exact same thing... but then cos it WAS me, I'd have always wondered if I should of gone. It was a tough one! But I took Wing with me in the end, so nobody had to worry, least of all me.

And as it goes, I needn't of worried anyway cos guess what... My mystery date was Tone! Thats one guy I DO know pretty intimately, LOL. At least I thought I did... flowers and dresses and dates?? I was pretty wierded out and when I first saw him I was kind of disappointed, I never really thought it could be him. Like a whole new side to him. I almost took one look and walked out with Wing again, but something made me go over to the table even though Wing was like, "lets go". She's in a mood with me right now but she'll get over it.

So anyway: I had a meal with him and Tone was really interested in me for once and actually asking me about my life and stuff. He said he knows he sees me at work all the time but he wants to actually get to know me, for real. He even said sorry for all the shit before and all that crap with Paprika/Marika recently trying to make me jealous.

He said he's changed.

He's said that before of course... but then I've never put my foot down like I have the last six months or so. Always before we'd argue and he'd be like, "sorry" and I'd be "oh alright then" and we'd struggle on like we did before. But this time I made a break and showed him I could survive on my own and he could go stick it up his arse. He said that made him think. He said he's underestimated me and he'd never do that again.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

On the plus side, the meal was lush. I had this wierd green asparagus soup thing with an egg to start, then a steak with peppercorn sauce, then Eton Mess. Yum! I also drank a bottle and a half of wine. Well, Tone was paying and hes's flush, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh and by the way - just so you know: NOTHING HAPPENED. Tone didn't even try his luck. Got me a taxi after the meal and kissed me on the cheek, like a gentleman. Didn't want to come back with me, didn't go for a snog and didn't even hassle me to call him. Yesterday at work he was nice, but didn't push anything, wasn't in my face at all. I just don't know what to think - never seen this side of him. Ever.

So that was Saturday! And today's Tuesday again... lots of thinking to do. Have a good one!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Okay, so I got some flowers last week. Which was nice. But this week??

A DRESS.

That's right! A dress! I still can't quite believe it. I went into the cafe for my Monday night hot choc and I'd be lieing if I said I wasn't *hoping* he (whoever he is) might've left something for me, cos I was. But I figured it might be a card or a note or even a photo or something.

But instead, the waitress comes over with a face like a smacked arse - haha you shoulda seen her she was so jealous! - with one of those fancy boxes from department stores and dumps it in front of me and stalks off without a word. Later she said she hadn't seen who left it, but I wasn't sure she was telling the truth. Maybe I can ask her again later.

Anyway: inside the box was like, layers and layers of tissue paper and inside the most gorgeous dress you ever seen! Expensive one, too, didn't even recognise the label it was that fancy, certainly wasn't New Look or Dottie P's, LOLOLOL. And with the dress was a note, saying to meet him at a restaurant in town this saturday, table's booked for 8pm! And to wear the dress!

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

I was well-impressed and still sort of am, but now I'm starting to worry... but meeting a stranger is OK in a public place, isn't it? Loads of people meet people off the internet on those dating sites and there's gotta be more weirdoes on those than in real life, right? I showed the dress to Wing and she didn't seem very cool with it, she said it was creepy to get a dress from somebody you don't know who obviously knows you... and I hadn't thought of it like that before. Then she said, "What if it's Tone who sent the dress?" but I know it CAN'T be him, he'd never do something like this, his idea of foreplay is buying me a few Babychams, HAHA!

But she's right that this guy must've seen me about, he even got my dress size right! What if it's a punter from the club? What if that's oddball that comes in on Mondays?! Ick. He really is creepy. Or maybe I'm being unkind. Maybe he only comes into the club cos he's lonely - and we all know how that feels!!!

I'M SO CONFUSED.

I suppose I could just see how I feel Saturday night. He didn't leave a number or email or anything for me to cancel either, so I'd feel bad not going AT ALL... Maybe I should go at 8pm, say thanks very much and then leave? Argh! This bit never happens in the movies!!! What would YOU do?

Oh - and happy tuesday x

Clean Out

So, since I'm old now I figured I better get my life in order. Because to be frank, it was totally fecked. Financially I mean. Well actually every which way, really. And not in a GOOD way!!!

When I was with Tone he took care of everything money-wise. Probably cos hes well dodgy. He was always going on about tax losses and not putting stuff thru the books but to be honest I never really had a clue what he was on about and didn't care. Mavis, despite being mental, actually is strangely obsessed with money. Every day, several times a day, she gets one of those mini statements from the cash machine and she has this big calculator where she tots everything up constantly. Even doing the weekly shop she'll take it with her, checking everything she puts in the basket adds up to her benefit money. Dunno why she bothers really cos she buys the same things every week, you'd think she'd know how much it comes to by now, but hey ho.

So, yeah: I never had to deal with money. Until the last few weeks.

Funny how stuff creeps up on you. I "get" obvious stuff like food and rent, obvs - besides anything my landlord Mr Spitani (real name!) sounds like hes in the mafia or something, so I always make sure I have it for him in cash when he comes round, haha. He has this small dog that's not even remotely threatening - think its a a chiwawa (spelling??) or something - yet somehow still manages to creep me out, especially cos Mr Spit's always kissing it. Eeeurgh. The dog's got this glint in his eye: "Give the guy his money... bitch." Or maybe I'm imagining it. LOL

And obviously I know you buy stuff, money comes out your account - and that credit cards and store cards aren't REALLY free money. But its so HARD not to buy stuff you want that'll cheer you up, especially when you've had a shit day. And I've been having a lot of shit days recently. WHOOPS.

But the ones that really got me - BLOODY UTILITIES! Did you know those bills come quarterly? Cos I didn't. I got a gas bill and leccy bill on the same day just after Chrimbo and just recently I got a water bill... followed by a sewage bill!!! FFS. I reckon I must owe these companies three trillion pounds. Alright, probably near on £500 (it was a cold winter, alright!). But I haven't got bloody £500. ARGH. Probably shouldn't have let them go red either, LOL. Mavis had been muttering something about payment books and direct debits and what not when I moved into the flat but then she mutters a lot about random stuff. Yes, yes, I should've listened. Sigh.

So there goes my writing course... had saved up £70 towards doing something, but I guess I better call up my companies and offer them a chunk each instead, "good will" Mavis says. Mavis says they work out payment plans with you and stuff, so I guess I'll have to do that. Have cut up my store cards and credit card too. Did you know APR on some cards is as high as 39%??? I didn't even know what APR was!!! I'm such an idiot.

Happy non-debt Tuesday!

Spice Girls

Shitty week this week. Noticed some bad vibes flying all over the interwebs too, people all seem to be having rubbish times atm. Boo! January, get lost. Gonna celebrate the end of the month with... MY BIRTHDAY. Yes! Can't believe I'm *nearly* 25. Well, that's 2 years away but you know what I mean - I'M ALMOST A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. That makes me feel depressed cos I thought I'd have done more stuff by now. Well I've done plenty of *stuff*, but BETTER STUFF, you know what I mean. I thought I'd have made more of myself. :(

I know why I'm in a mood of course - some new tart at the club, calls herself MARIKA (sounds like an indian spice to me, LOL) but her real name is Julia Spannings, saw it on her driving license when she left her purse in the dressing room. God that surname must have been a real curse at school, HAHA! But you should see her: fake-tits-a-rama, bet they cost a pretty penny. Seriously, she can lie down and her nipple tassels STILL point at the ceiling! (In case your wondering, it au naturale for me, taverymuch! AND ALWAYS WILL). So she's got a well-fit (surgically enhanced) body, but at least her face is dog ruff. But then that never did Jodie Marsh any harm. Sigh. And of course Tone is ALL OVER HER like a bad rash, even put her name up on the posters and bumped me back to window 2. Tosser.

Still, no matter - can do better than him anyway and better than this dive of a club. Decided I'm going to do some kind of correspondence course, maybe one in writing. Thought about getting a new job again but then I won't have as much time for writing cos I'll have to work twice as much to get the same money. Plus some of these courses are expensive! So, the plan: get some experience, get some drafts done instead of talking about em. 2011 is where its at!

Oh - and 31st January I'm ALL OVER THIS TOWN baby, gonna pull someone fiiiiiiiiiiiine! Think I deserve it. Last fella I slept with was bloody Tone anyway, about three months ago, even though we were supposed to be split (I knowIknowIknow). And the guy before that was that desperate student, whateverhisnamewas. CAN DO BETTER.

Happy Tuesday!!!

SQUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

I've gone and done it! Not *that*, urgh, dirty boy LOLOLOL... I've got a new place to live! I'm not with Mavis anymore! GLORY! Gotta love Mavis, she's like my Mum and that, but you gotta admit she's so barking she could turn into a greyhound and nobody would notice (eh? Does that even make sense? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree! hahaha). Except that really doesn't make sense cos me and her are not related. DOUBLE LOL! Treble?? Who cares.

Anyway, where was I?? The new place! Tis truly fab. It's a little studio and smelt like cat piss of course and had porno in the bathroom, but now it is a LOVE PALACE. Or will be, when I find someone worth taking back to it! Wing found it in the paper late Friday night, told me about it when we were watching the fireworks on the common when we were supposed to be at work. Tone was so mad! Turned my phone off. Went to work last night and he was like, "Where were you over the weekend?" I reply breezily, "Flat hunting." His face!

Anyway the years of watching How Clean Is Your House? paid off cos Wing and I blitzed the joint with white vinegar and a bit of lemon. Worked really well! Then I got some white paint and gave the place a bit of a touch up. We went to Wilko and got some cushions and some of those lights in the shape of flowers you can drape over stuff... And Mavis made me some curtains.

It's a bit expensive for what it is (I can see some public toilets from my window on the left, niiiice!) and the downside is I definitely CAN'T just jack work in now with rent to pay, but then I wasn't going to let Tone drive me out, I'll leave when I'm good and ready thanks! Moved in for real yesterday afternoon, it's mint.

I know I've been a bit rude on here about her but I've loved my time with Mavis, though. She's so caring - when she's not worried about the Apocalypse or that guy off Top Gear who will APPARENTLY KILL US ALL. And no, I'm not even talking about that big annoying one that shoots his mouth off or the one that crashes all the time, but the one with the bad grey hair that builds real houses out of Lego. WTF? But then Mavis has never liked Lego. She still regales people at the Christmas gathering she has every year (read: me, a boyfriend, a few biddies from the WI) with the time her brother Phill swallowed a piece of Lego one Chrimbo and she and him and her Mam spent FOURTEEN HOURS in A & E. Must've made a big impression, she was only about 6 and poor Phill went and died in a car accident when he was 17. Sad.

Happy Tuesday! Come over to my place for a virtual drink, I'm raising a glass to ya!

I hate Mondays

...Fuck it. Maybe I shouldn't write that. Because that's the problem. Yeah yeah I know I'm a tit, etc but let me just finish alrite?? Alrite? Then I shall begin (always wanted to say that!).

So anyway. Tone's been real wierd with me all week - on thursday last week he even bought me some FLOWERS. They said, "I will always love you." Yeah I know dead soppy and I had to stop myself from bursting into it, Witney-style. But kinda sweet too. But then Wing Hun reminded me Tone's a wanker, that's why we split in the first place (actually still pretty mad with Wing too, though can you split with your friends? And what if they've got your Princess Laya gold bikini?! We'd have to go to court or something over it, no way am I losing that one, sat on eBay for hours bidding against some Geek Freak for it!!!).

Friday night comes and goes and most of the weekend is a blur of general boredom (apart from one half-naked guy at the club, he wasn't one of the punters, he was a random Security ended up rugby tackling before he could come in) and then Monday. I hate Mondays. Always so depressing somehow and there's always this guy who turns up on a monday, regular as clockwork, 7pm til 10pm, looks like a rat and smells like BO. ICK. Anyway I'm going off the point again.

I do my shift, the place is pretty dead and Tone lets Wing and the other girl Cerise go home early (only ever 3 girls in on a Monday). He says I have to stay cos, get this, "I'm the choice meat". Mmmm, yum, ta. Really impressive. He's being dead tedious (my big word of the week) probably because he's DRUNK so I figure I might as well help myself to the bar too since he's never going to notice. Gotta get your perks where you can, right?

Anyway I get more and more drunk and Rat Boy finally leaves and I'm thinking, we should close up. Only it's not half ten yet, which is usually the time Tone gives up on a Monday. He says, "Another half hour... Another half hour..." And I'm watching MTV and drinking more voddy and somehow time appears to have SLOWED DOWN. And somewhere in this time, Tone's talking to me and somehow he's seeming less and less like a twat and...

... You're right. I slept with Tone. In the office, on the floor! Classy. Woke up this morning under a coat and feeling like utter shite. And turns out Tone's only gone and taken the battery out of the clock. COCK. So he'd planned it all night. He was well pleased with himself, looked like the frigging Cheshire cat. This morning it was like we'd got back together or something, I mean what the hell?? Talk about loving yourself! "Oh I slept with you, you're mine?" HELLO!!!

What's quite interesting about this however is I'm not like devastated or anything though. I mean I'm pissed off obviously, but I'm not GUTTED. Which kinda says it all - I must have been more over him than I thought. Anyway, for anyone wondering I poured an old glass of water in his face and walked out and took a very long bath! Bastard. Shame he's so good in the sack though, I am SO WEAK!

Can only get better, right? Happy Tuesday!

Sinking In

Sorry about last week... Had no idea NOT blogging or looking at Facebook/Twitter/whatever would get you all worried. Thats one really nice bowt this social network stuff actually, the fact I've suddenly got friends even if I've never met most of you. Wish I'd discovered it years ago, or it was available when I was in care, maybe I'd of not felt so cut off? Tone was always going on about internet being for losers (and he should know, he watches enough porn on it) so I didn't think to look until recently. Just as well he doesn't know about blogs and wouldn't touch Facebook with a bargepole, LOL.

Anyways... it wasn't life/death stuff, lets put it that way. Just felt bit rubbish really, you know how it gets, especially when you go and do something stupid! I got sick of waiting for Wing to call me back, so I went out instead, should of written a blog instead and staid in with Mavis. She was making my fave, Spinach and Ricotta Cannelloni (well, heating it up in the microwave!). But I knew best so I got my gladrags on and I drank half a bottle of voddy and went to some dodgy pub up near the common. On the hunt and lookin for prey.

I was so absolutely certain getting off with enough fella would do me some good! Such an idiot. But anyway, he wasn't hard to find, some student type, looked a bit desperate, Neil I think his name was. Quite good looking, bit posh, probably hadn't got much as a teen, so reckoned I was like all his Christmasses come at once. Not that I'm that well-good looking or anything, I'm not vain, but when you're a girl and don't look like the total back end of a bus, it's not that difficult to find fellas to go with you, is it?? All you have to do is ask, LOL.

So anyway I went home with him and it was peferctly okay tho not life-shattering, but then it never is when you do it with em for the first time, at least if you're female I reckon. I figured I'd wake up and Tone would be magically out my system but somehow I felt even WORSE. What's that all about?? Neil asks me if he can see me again and I say "yes" but I gave him the wrong number. Felt a bit guilty but then what can you do, I didn't want to see him again and I didn't want to have to explain.

Whats even worse was Tone was at Mavis place when I got back, reckoned he was bringing some of my stuff round. He was really cold, looked at me like I was nothing - we had five years together! I guess I wanted him to say, "I made a mistake" but he didn't and then he was gone and Mavis is saying to me, "Why didn't you tell me about all this?" She'd just assumed we were having a row as usual, not actual split. And I start crying and I just can't stop.

Whoa, what a depressing blog post. But I feel better now. Honest. Went to the cinema with Wing to watch that new Resident Evil which was fun and tho I couldn't really bear being around Tone too much last week - I was worried he could see what I'd done, somehow - he DID put me in Window 2 and included me this time when he bought a round of drinks for all the girls Friday night, which was bumper.

How's your week been?

DRAMA!!!

So anyway last week I got in trouble with the police and thought that was the worst it could get (at least in ONE week anyway) but I WAS SO WRONG.

Went back to Tone's after I legged it from my place and everything was fine... for maybe 24 hours. I forgot what a pigsty his place is and what a pig he is. In fact thats mean to pigs. I'm sure pigs don't leave mouldy cups and plates and full ashtrays everywhere and BLOODY GLASS BONGS lying on the floor, dimwit bloody tit.

ANYWAY. I'm picking my way across this unbelievable DUMP and trying actually to clean the place up and I stand on his precious bloody bong he brought back from India when he went out to find himself when he was twenty one (or some shit). It's made of glass and I'm wearing heels, so wham - went straight through it. I never liked it anyway - Tone is so boring when he's out of it - AND the dam think cut my heel cos my shoes are strappy.

So... There's actual BLOOD, I'm hopping around swearing, he comes in and actually says, "what have you done, you dappy bitch?"

DAPPY BITCH. I just saw red cos that is total out of order cos it was HIS FAULT. I call him a wanker and immature and whatever, it all just WHOOOOOSHES out and before I know it we've been arguing for four hours... I've literally coughed it all up! How he never appreciates me, how he's a pig, how he's inconsiderate, how he takes advantage, even how he's a sad old lech for going out with me in the first place! [He always says he's thirty nine but we ALL KNOW he's way older than that!!!] Then I start making fun of him, telling him what all the girls at the club say about him and probably I shouldn't have done that, but I'm just SO SICK of him never giving a toss how *I* feel...

... And anyway, to cut a long story short he chucked me out on the street. At about 1am!!! I tried Wing's but she was out and Mavis was bloody away (she's back now though), so I ended up walking round Leyton all night with two black binliners. There were a few cafes open and a launderette but can you BELIEVE IT! Typical Tone. I eventually went to Wing's and she put me up til Sunday which was when Mavis came back.

Of course he tries to get out of it, saying he reckoned I'd go to Wing's and how was he sposed to know she'd be out... but why would you chuck someone out on the street in the middle of the night??? I'm sick of him, he's gone too far this time... Especially since he got well nasty when he realised I wasn't budging: he only goes and says he'd sack me if I didn't get into work on Friday night, Wing too! So I ended up going - I needed the money! - and he puts me in WINDOW 6, which is for the new girls... I've been at the club for YEARS. And he wouldn't let me in the VIP room to talk up any of the punters for tips.

At the end of the night he says, "I hope you've learned your lesson" -- like I would just say, "Oh OK" and go back with him NOW. So I just walked out on him... You should have seen his face! Saturday night too, I came in, went to Window 6, not a complaint, totally blanked him. I could see his vains like BULGING, he was that mad. Last night (Monday) he was trying to make me jealous going on at the Polish girls and laughing too loud if you know what I mean, looking over at me every five minutes. Loser.

So that was my week. Happy Tuesday -- can't be any worse cannit??

Bestival Bits & Bobs

OKKKKKKKK was gonna do a full run-down but TBH I got too mashed to remember EVERYTHING (I'm sorry OK! LOLOLOLOL). So here's the bits that do stick out:

- Takin SEVEN HOURS to get in and needin a wee like mad for at least 4 of em and Tone tellin me I shld keep off his Special Brew

- Guys in car in front in the Q kept jumping out and leaping across the car bonnet Starsky & Hutch style and switching who was driving (at about 2mph!)

- Pink bestival bands - bloke in Q in front of me: "I'm enjoying the pinkness of these wristbands, they're awesome" (yes he was already mashed goin in, LOL)

- A kid with flowers in her hair comes up to me when I'm drinking beer listening to Scroobious Pip on Friday, our conversation went like this...

KID: Hi. My name's River.

ME: That's a well-cool name.

KID: Yeah, my mum's a hippie.

ME: Did she tell you not to talk to strangers, too?

KID: Yeah. But you look alright.

Thanks!!! hahahahahaha - noticed she didn't talk to Tone tho!

- Bloke in next door tent didn't stop talking ALL NIGHT Friday!!! And was up at 6am!! And asked me for a frigging light for his fag!

- Met Lucy V and her well-cool family! And I was sick on Hub! (Only a little bit - LOL)

- Saw The Gruffalo. It was pure awesome sauce. Go and see it!

- Someone set off a bloody air raid siren Saturday night! Maybe. Or it could've been a dream

- Got well sketchy when I saw loads of witches and Shreks and even someone dressed as a wasp

- Sang ALL NIGHT LONG with some blokes in their pants (they were on stage tho)

- Saw Mr Tumble in the crowd at Madness, he gave me a hug! I LOVE HIM

- Bought some FAIRY WINGS!

- Lost Tone for 4 hours, saw that cook-bloke from River Cottage Hugh Fernly-Wittings signing books but I didn't have a book but he signed my arm! Awesome

- Chilled out to Mr Scruff but his little cartoons on his screens well freaked me out

- Tone brought the radios from the club, had many weird convos with mad peeps on the same channel, including this one:

GIRL ON RADIO: Hello, Ruby? Come in Ruby.

ME: That's me. What do you want? Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Where the hell have you been? Over.

ME: Around and about. What can I get ya? Ooops... Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: I've been looking all day for you! Over.

ME: Sorry. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Meet you by the circus tent, the baby wants you.

ME: Um, I don't have a baby. I think I'm the wrong Ruby. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: Ruby, stop screwing around! I think he's hungry. Over.

ME: Seriously, I haven't got a baby. Try another Ruby. Over.

GIRL ON THE RADIO: I'm going to kill you when I find you. OVER.

So if you're Ruby and you went off for a bit without your baby, SORRY! I made it 1000 times worse when you returned, LOLOLOLOL

- Finally, dropped my NEW Crackberry down the eco toilets. It's now a CRAPberry... BOOM BOOM

Had a well-wicked time, what did you get up to this weekend?

Love & Marriage

I'm an old fashioned girl. I guess my life has been so up and down, I have to be - else I'd go raving mad. When I was in care and hiding my stuff in plastic bags in the toilet sisterns to stop Minging Michelle from getting em I'd think about the perfect life I'd have when I grew up. A big white wedding, obv. Maybe a dog or cat at first, perhaps two years later we'd have our first baby. Followed by a second? Maybe. (I don't really fancy the stretchmarks and leaky boobs). I'd be a housewife though I always thought that was a stupid job title - married to a house?? He would be something clever like a teacher or lawyer or whatever and when he came home at night our kid would be like, "Daddy!" and he'd pick him up and swing him round. I even had a name picked out - Daniel. I did think about Mick cos I love The Stones so much but even I am not cruel enough to land a little baby with a name that sounds like he should be a builder, LOL.

So anyway the point of all this. Tone and I had a Saturday night off, just the two of us. That hardly EVER happens in our jobs and the last saturday we had off was a disaster (a very huge bust up in Oxford Street ended with him running off with my handbag and leaving me stranded; yes he's an arse but I was also pissed out of my tiny mind and shreeking like a banshee, so 50/50... alright, 60/40). Anyway, anyway: I was well looking forward to THIS saturday, I figured we would go out or something. Earlier in the week I ask where Tone wants to go and he says we're staying in, he's got something special planned. I was uber-pleased, I hadn't even had to ask him or ANYTHING and technically the football is still on isn't it, so I had figured Tone might want to watch that instead. So I make sure I got something nice to wear - you know what I mean - and wait for Saturday night.

So you can guess what a disappointment it was to find out Tone's BIG SURPRISE was a Wii Fit thing. He gets some geezer to deliver it to the flat - knockoff probably - and brings it in, like TA-DA, Saturday evening. He even says he got it FOR ME cos I'm getting a bit tubby round the thighs. CHARMING. When I say I never wanted a bloody computer game, he says, "It's not a computer game, IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE."

OK I should probably have stopped there but he's already told me I"m fat and now he's saying I'm thick or something, so I totally lose it. I start going off on one, saying he never takes me seriously and I helped him build up his business, maybe I should just leave -- in fact maybe I should just leave HIM, he's never gonna give me what I want?? Then says, well what do you want? And I say I wanna get married and have babies and not slide up and down a frigging pole all day. Tone gets well mad and says my job pays well and I don't even slide up and down a frigging pole, it's FRIGGING PEEP SHOW and it's his business and he's proud of it and if I'm so embarrassed by him and the club I SHOULD just leave.

And so now I'm at Mavis'.

Happy Tuesday (sigh).