Clean Out

So, since I'm old now I figured I better get my life in order. Because to be frank, it was totally fecked. Financially I mean. Well actually every which way, really. And not in a GOOD way!!!

When I was with Tone he took care of everything money-wise. Probably cos hes well dodgy. He was always going on about tax losses and not putting stuff thru the books but to be honest I never really had a clue what he was on about and didn't care. Mavis, despite being mental, actually is strangely obsessed with money. Every day, several times a day, she gets one of those mini statements from the cash machine and she has this big calculator where she tots everything up constantly. Even doing the weekly shop she'll take it with her, checking everything she puts in the basket adds up to her benefit money. Dunno why she bothers really cos she buys the same things every week, you'd think she'd know how much it comes to by now, but hey ho.

So, yeah: I never had to deal with money. Until the last few weeks.

Funny how stuff creeps up on you. I "get" obvious stuff like food and rent, obvs - besides anything my landlord Mr Spitani (real name!) sounds like hes in the mafia or something, so I always make sure I have it for him in cash when he comes round, haha. He has this small dog that's not even remotely threatening - think its a a chiwawa (spelling??) or something - yet somehow still manages to creep me out, especially cos Mr Spit's always kissing it. Eeeurgh. The dog's got this glint in his eye: "Give the guy his money... bitch." Or maybe I'm imagining it. LOL

And obviously I know you buy stuff, money comes out your account - and that credit cards and store cards aren't REALLY free money. But its so HARD not to buy stuff you want that'll cheer you up, especially when you've had a shit day. And I've been having a lot of shit days recently. WHOOPS.

But the ones that really got me - BLOODY UTILITIES! Did you know those bills come quarterly? Cos I didn't. I got a gas bill and leccy bill on the same day just after Chrimbo and just recently I got a water bill... followed by a sewage bill!!! FFS. I reckon I must owe these companies three trillion pounds. Alright, probably near on £500 (it was a cold winter, alright!). But I haven't got bloody £500. ARGH. Probably shouldn't have let them go red either, LOL. Mavis had been muttering something about payment books and direct debits and what not when I moved into the flat but then she mutters a lot about random stuff. Yes, yes, I should've listened. Sigh.

So there goes my writing course... had saved up £70 towards doing something, but I guess I better call up my companies and offer them a chunk each instead, "good will" Mavis says. Mavis says they work out payment plans with you and stuff, so I guess I'll have to do that. Have cut up my store cards and credit card too. Did you know APR on some cards is as high as 39%??? I didn't even know what APR was!!! I'm such an idiot.

Happy non-debt Tuesday!

I'm 23!!!!

Owwww. Even typing makes my head hurt. I’ve drunk pints of water, taken those beasty painkillers that Tone left lying around and I still feel like shit.

So Wing came over last night. I haven’t seen her in ages, and suddenly she pops up with a text yesterday morning saying; COMING TO URS LATER. BRINGING WINE, BUYING TAKE OUT. NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.XX

What is a girl to do?! LOL.

Luckily I’d booked last night off work. I thought I’d end up with Mavis is some late night greasy spoon sobbing to her otherwise. But woohooooo, Wing saves the day. So I had a little mooch round the arse end of the sales and found nothing, so I decided to wander into proper London town and check out the ‘nice’ shops. That didn’t last long either when I stumbled (literally!) into Liberty’s and saw that their diaries (YES, THEIR DIARIES!) are £45!!!

A bus ride, and a cheeky KFC later and I was back at home where Wing was sitting on my doorstep. It was 4pm – naturally we started drinking.

By 7, I was good for anything, but luckily we had the initiative to get some food else I have no idea how I’d be feeling right now.

After dinner Wing whipped out the tequila and some feather boas that she’d brought over ‘as a pulling tool’. And then for some STUPID reason, we started playing Never Have I Ever. Not to make a sweeping generalisation about girls who work in our profession or anything, but playing it with only one other person who a) knows you quite well and b) ALSO WORKS IN A CLUB AS A DANCER makes for a hell of a lot of tequila!

Somehow, and I really don’t remember how, Wing managed to blag us a free taxi ride from my flat to a club. I’m not sure what it involved but I’m sure it was tequila fuelled.

I was having such a great night up until about 1 this morning. The drink really began to kick in and I managed to lose Wing. At first I thought I was being a drunken fool, but then I found her canoodling in the corner of the club with some guy. I THOUGHT IT WAS MEANT TO BE A GIRLS NIGHT FOR MY BIRTHDAY?! So I took it upon myself to pull as well, and not to boast or anything, but usually that isn’t much of a problem. BUT IT WAS LAST NIGHT. Maybe I looked as rough as I felt because only the really leery guys would have anything to do with me. By 2 o’clock I was ready to leave. I was vodkaad to oblivion and couldn’t find a cute guy to dance with. Then I got a text from Wing saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY. GONE BACK TO HIS PLACE. SPEAK TOMORROW.

Oh, well thanx. I tried to call a taxi but miss called Tone by mistake and then felt shit when he called back three times and I rejected them all.

I got up this morning with a killer hangover only to find the place a bomb site after our drinking and that Wing had spilt the tequila all over my kitchen floor. Add to that that the gas meter has run out and I don’t get paid until later means I’m hungover in a cold flat with no hot water. I was going to call in ‘sick’ but if I don’t go to work then I won’t have any heating for another day.

NEED MACDONALDS! Happy Tuesday!

Spice Girls

Shitty week this week. Noticed some bad vibes flying all over the interwebs too, people all seem to be having rubbish times atm. Boo! January, get lost. Gonna celebrate the end of the month with... MY BIRTHDAY. Yes! Can't believe I'm *nearly* 25. Well, that's 2 years away but you know what I mean - I'M ALMOST A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. That makes me feel depressed cos I thought I'd have done more stuff by now. Well I've done plenty of *stuff*, but BETTER STUFF, you know what I mean. I thought I'd have made more of myself. :(

I know why I'm in a mood of course - some new tart at the club, calls herself MARIKA (sounds like an indian spice to me, LOL) but her real name is Julia Spannings, saw it on her driving license when she left her purse in the dressing room. God that surname must have been a real curse at school, HAHA! But you should see her: fake-tits-a-rama, bet they cost a pretty penny. Seriously, she can lie down and her nipple tassels STILL point at the ceiling! (In case your wondering, it au naturale for me, taverymuch! AND ALWAYS WILL). So she's got a well-fit (surgically enhanced) body, but at least her face is dog ruff. But then that never did Jodie Marsh any harm. Sigh. And of course Tone is ALL OVER HER like a bad rash, even put her name up on the posters and bumped me back to window 2. Tosser.

Still, no matter - can do better than him anyway and better than this dive of a club. Decided I'm going to do some kind of correspondence course, maybe one in writing. Thought about getting a new job again but then I won't have as much time for writing cos I'll have to work twice as much to get the same money. Plus some of these courses are expensive! So, the plan: get some experience, get some drafts done instead of talking about em. 2011 is where its at!

Oh - and 31st January I'm ALL OVER THIS TOWN baby, gonna pull someone fiiiiiiiiiiiine! Think I deserve it. Last fella I slept with was bloody Tone anyway, about three months ago, even though we were supposed to be split (I knowIknowIknow). And the guy before that was that desperate student, whateverhisnamewas. CAN DO BETTER.

Happy Tuesday!!!

The Joys of Online Dating...

Crikey. Nearly missed posting a blog this week. I thought it was bleedin’ Monday still! So yea, been pretty busy this last week, finally getting the decorations down (yea, yea, I know there’s meant to be 12 days of Christmas, but who cares? – Fairy lights are pretty LOL) and generally sorting my life out a little bit. I also treated myself to Final Draft over the festive season, and so I’ve been playing around with that, trying to work it all out. Makes me feel a bit like a pro!

As I’ve been spending time at my computer so much, I thought I’d check in again with that internet dating site I signed up to. I thought I might get some spam so I linked it up to an old email address and forgot all about it. Geeeeee whizzz, I thought I’d turned really popular when I logged in, 217 emails?! But apparently people have been ‘liking’ my profile on the dating site, and leaving me some seriously crude messages. I thought they filtered that kind of filth?! Honestly, I feel better and safer in the club – at least I have Tone there to watch my back!

So I went through them all as best as I could and as a Tuesday night treat, have listed my top three below for you:

From BIGBOI86: Hey sugatits, you sound cute. Send me a pic yea?

(charming eh?!)

From: DannyC: Aren’t you tired? You’ve been running through my head all night…

(People STILL use these lines?!)

From: MrCharming: Hey baby, we should hook up some time. We’d set the night on fire.

(Just vommed a little bit in my mouth)

My main fun this week has been deleting all of these messages, oh and I replied to one….

To: BIGBOI86: Sorry honey, I don’t date guys with dicks the size of peanuts….

My account on this particular dating site is no longer available.

Hope you’ve had a good week.

Happy Tuesday!

Happy New Year!

OMG WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE! Lost my phone over christmas - yes I'm a menace when it comes to phones I know - but as it goes it didn't matter anyhoo cos I only went and bloody forgot all my logins to everything! I STILL haven't got into my email either, so if you sent me any emails in last four or five weeks I'm SO SORRY, I can't read em! Better to tweet me or Facebook me, TBH. Such a scatterbrain as Mavis says - charming, hey! And coming from her, too! Cheek.

Christmas was interesting. As you may recall I got bloody Tone for secret Santa at work. Well, anyway I decided upon the Hollyoaks calendar for him. You should have seen his face when he opened it – hahahaha. The excitement when he saw some fit topless girls, but then the devastation when he saw inside that I’d cut out ALL OF THE BOOBS!! LOL.

But the bastard got his own back on me by putting me in Window 4 all week and forcing me to wear a Santa bikini. It has fur trim and everything. I wouldn’t mind it being red, but the fur and matching Santa hat really annoy me. It’s not as nice as the Santa dress the other girls get to wear. Mind you, I got lucky because the heating was on the blink and the snow meant it wasn’t very busy. Tone had to send us all home in the end.

Me and Wing decided to go to a Christmassy market. Loads of mulled wine (Gluewine or something in German – I hope it’s not actually made of Copydex or something LOL) and some of that German spicy sausage later (no jokes please) and we were loving being in the Christmas spirit. We did think about hitting the tiles, but we knew we’d probably fall over, so we went back to my flat, drank some more wine and watched Elf and Love Actually. And then went down the police station cos of my bloody lost fone - booooo!

Christmas itself was ok - it's never "good" cos Mavis' brother Phill went and died on Xmas Eve (I never knew him) so she goes a bit funny. This year she set the table for seven (it was just her and me) and was talking to people who weren't even there. I called the mental health team who said to leave her to it if she wasn't hurting herself or me or getting upset. Gotta be honest, whoever the invisible guy was at the table must have been BRILLIANT at telling jokes or something, cos Mavis was laughing her head off. It kind of made me smile and made me sad at the same time.

After Christmas though she was more of her normal self - well as normal as she gets... She still had me going on cat patrol around her damn garden, lol. Haven't seen her for a couple of days, got a text today saying simply BRING CREME EGGS. So that's me sorted this evening, then - got the night off. Better not forget the creme eggs!

Happy New Year Tuesday!

x

How is it Tuesday already?!

I’m so frazzled by the festive season already and it’s still weeks away! LOL. I’ve found that having your own place with bills and silly things like council tax to pay for makes Christmas shopping almost impossible. It’s not like I can get presents for people from the 99p store!

I’d been quite pleased knowing that this year I wouldn’t have to buy anything for Tone. He’s really difficult to buy for and I always ended up spending more on him than I wanted to. So you can imagine my annoyedness when I got into work yesterday and got told the Secret ‘but not really so secret’ Santa presents had been drawn and that I was buying for Tone. He’s never taken part in it before, and I bloody bet he fixed it so that I have to buy for him. Grrrrr, he really makes my blood boil sometimes. Anyway, the budget is always a tenner so I don’t have to worry about overspending. I was tempted to tell him to take a tenner out of my wages but that isn’t really in the Christmas spirit is it?! LOL. And then, to top it all off, I get a phone call earlier from Mavis telling me that Tone had flowers sent to her and that he’d remembered that she loves poinsettias (always thought you spelt that poinTsettia!) The little bugger eh?!

So I’ve been having a think about what to get him and so far my thoughts are:

1. socks (shit and boring – just like Tone)

2. a dating guide book (he could really use some tips)

3. Hollyoaks girls calendar with all the boobs cut out (LOLLL)

4. Danny Dyer’s book – hahaha.

Anyway, I must crack on, am looking into buying myself Final Draft or something as a ‘to me, from me’ Xmas pressie so maybe I can finally start some writing in the new year.

What do you all want for Christmas?

Please hold...

V busy and important so no time to blog (LOL)
But yea, don't send food parcels or alert missing persons, I'll be back, Arnie style.