Heart vs Head

Yet again I know what you’re all going to say, but don’t think I’m not tormented enough already. Yes it involves Tone, and yes it potentially involves me seeing him outside of work. Shoot me now!

After last week when I was feeling low, this weekend didn’t bring me much more in the way of happiness. (Felt crap, had ‘girl pains’, ate loads of chocolate, watched Comic Relief, cried at the sad bits with the poor kids, ate more chocolate, and then ordered Chinese take out at stupid o’clock in the night. Oh, and then ate the leftovers for breakfast. Can I just say that I did attempt a jog on Sunday morning to make up for it, but I was out of breath by the end of the road – typical me, LOL)

ANYWAY, so I went to work yesterday morning after a crap weekend and when I went back to my locker at the end of the night there was a pink card inside (I’m presuming he’d slid it in the side – little bit freaky lol) which said ‘WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER ON THURSDAY NIGHT?’ TONE x’

So my heart skipped a beat a bit as I tried to work out what to do. I tried to find him at the club but for some reason I couldn’t, and I don’t have his number anymore because I deleted it. So I took the card home with me and stared at it for a while (whilst I ate another bar of Dairy Milk – it helps with decision making ok?) and tried to decide what to do.

I decided I should write him back because he wrote to me. And I finally decided to put, ‘That would be lovely. Thank you.’

Did I do the right thing? It’s just dinner. Friends have dinner all the time right? Other friends would go for dinner with me? Wouldn’t they?

Argh. Happy Tuesday.

Being all wistful and that

Been all reflective and stuff over the past week. Was thinking about what would have happened if I was pregnant, and feeling a bit sad that I’m not. (Not like really sad, but like, having a little thing to dress up could be nice lol) Anyway, it made me think about me and Tone. It’s kind of a shame to throw it all away, we’ve been going out forever. He’s a well nice guy, but turns into a monster when he’s in the wrong crowd and doing the wrong stuff. Feel a bit like Cheryl Cole in her interview thing on Pierce Morgan. She saying that Ashley is a nice guy - no one believes her, I feel like that when I say that Tone is a nice guy. Before you all start yelling at me, don’t worry, I’m not doing anything stupid, I’m just reminissing.

I try not to think bout it too much, it’s hard talking about it, but I decided to try and talk to Mavis about it and find out what she really thinks of him/us. Turns out, having Mavis as your relationship counsellor is like asking a toddler for relationship advice. LOL First of all she couldn’t quite work out who I was talking about, because she thought Tone had been on holiday for the past month... Whattt?! I tried to remind her we'd already HAD this conversation about us splitting, but turns out when he’d popped round to see her, he’d mentioned something about going to Aintree (presumably for some big lads gambling lash up) and she thought that Aintree was in Spain. So in Mavis’s world, Tone has been off on holiday in Spain for 4 weeks and is renting out his flat, which is why I’m back with her at the moment. I tried to explain but she got a bit huffy with me saying that Tone had definitely said he was going to Aintree. Right...

Then totally out of the blue on Sunday whilst I was pigging out on Dairy Milk on the sofa, she just goes ‘SO ARE YOU THINKING OF GETTING BACK WITH TONY?’ Then we had a relatively normal conversation (she went off on a random rant about seaweed – WTF?!) which ended with her saying ‘WELL I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU WITH HIM, HE SEEMS TO HAVE YOU WRAPPED AROUND HIS LITTLE FINGER, AND HE ALWAYS CARRIES SUCH LARGE AMOUNTS OF CASH. BUT HE DOES ALWAYS REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY AND BRINGS FLOWERS. MAYBE YOU SHOULD SUGGEST HE GETS A BANK ACCOUNT?’

You’ve just gotta love her right? Maybe visiting her is better than living with her though. I’m starting to feel like the luxury of being looked after has gone, and that I want some space of my own back. Maybe I’ll start looking for a little place of my own – preferably a little nearer to work than Dollis Hill!
Happy Tuesday.